The Game of the Century

By Kevin James Kage

FIRST, THERE WAS MORTAL KOMBAT
(Pardon me while I tear your spine out." "Oof.")

THEN, THERE WAS MORTAL KOMBAT 2
("Pardon me while I swallow your head." "Oof!")

THEN, THERE WAS MORTAL KOMBAT 3
("Pardon me while I do something violent and gross that will kill you instantly." "Oof.")

THEN, THERE WERE ALL THOSE OTHER GAMES!
(Other games will not be mentioned, because none of them are violent enough to mention.)

NOW BE PREPARED TO WITNESS THE ULTIMATE IN VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES

DRAGONLANCE—CHAMPIONS OF DEATH

In real-time cinematic action, the Heroes of the Lance will pummel the forces of Takhisis and each other in the hopes of promoting the frenzied marketing schemes of TSR.

Cast of Characters

Tanis "Ears" Half-Elven: This guy's here to clean up Ansalon! Quiver at the power of his Elven Bow. And just try to worm your way out of WyrmSlayer's reach!

Special Attack:
Cupid's Arrow: Causes female characters to stop fighting him until they realize what kind of a backstabbing, ungrateful, sex-crazed freak he really is.

Sturm "Cold Steel" Brightblade: This number one son of Solamnia is no pretty boy. Give him his father's sword, and run like the Abyss!

Special Attack:
Est Sularus Slam: When the going gets tough, Brightblade will start whining about the Oath and the Measure. It's sure to drive anyone mad!

Caramon "Refrigerator" Majere: Whether he's wielding his two-handed sword or a mug of dwarf spirits, he's ready for action. This guy's name should be Brutus Maximus!

Special Attacks:
Combat Feasting: Caramon will Eat his opponent (with a spicy potato on the side)!
Bunnies: Caramon can lure his brother Raistlin into a false sense of security by pointing out invisible bunnies. Then, WHAM!!!

Raistlin "Goldfinger" Majere: He's the Mage with the move who knows where it's at! He's one Bad Mother—("Watch your mouth!")—Hey, just talkin' about Raistlin! Go up against his spells—if you dare!

Special Attacks:
Lil' People Catapult: Raistlin hurls "little people" like Bupu, Tasslehoff, and Gnimsh at his opponent.
Summon Cleric: If he's losing, Raistlin can summon Chrysania to protect him. Who says the sexes aren't equal?

Flint "Brother Dwarf" Fireforge: Don't mess around with this Homey: he has an axe to grind!

Special attack:
Beard of Death: Flint will hurl his beloved beard into battle to get the edge.

Tasslehoff "Abyss Spawn" Burrfoot: This little Kender's out to find his fortune, AND YOURS!

Special Attacks:
Topknot Flail: Did you ever wonder why Kenders wear their hair that way?
Klepto Kender Klutch: Tas will steal his opponents weapon, and hide it in his pouches!

Tika "Wailing Fury" Waylan-Majere: She's Caramon's wife, and believe me, she KNOWS how to defend herself!

Special Attack:
Frying Pan Blitz: One blow from this and her opponent will be down for the count!

Lauralanthalasa: She doesn't need a nickname. If you want to die, stop by and meet her Dragonlance!

Special Attack:
Dragon Orbs: (For the sake of not making a stupid, sexist joke, no comment will be made about her.)

Goldmoon & Riverwind: They sit on the sidelnes and root for the Heroes. If you touch Goldmoon during the battle, she'll heal your wounds. Of course, if you touch Goldmoon at all, Riverwind will WHALLOP you!

Now choose your fighter and take on the Forces of Darkness!

SPECIAL BONUS LEVEL!!! SPECIAL BONUS LEVEL!!! SPECIAL BONUS LEVEL!!!

___________________________________________________

By typing in HICKMAN&WEIS, the following bonus codes will become active. Type them to launch the code.

SHAMELESS HUSSY—Play as Kitiara uth Matar
WHERES MY HAT—Play as Fizban
HAT MY WHERES—Play as Zifnab
POTTED PLANT—Play as Lord Soth
PATRYN OF THE ART—PLAY AS HAPLO!!!
DEAD—PLAY AS JORAM!!!
JUSTIN BAILEY—PLAY RAISTLIN AS A WOMAN!!!

*SUPER SECRET LEVEL*
Type HICKMAN&WEIS then type LEGENDS when "CHAMPIONS OF DEATH" reappears. Select Raistlin "Goldfinger" Majere. Play the game normally. When you reach the Gate to Abyss, the heads will begin to glow, signifying the approach of the Dark Queen. As a soon as ALL the heads are glowing, type:REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD—BEFORE the Dark Queen appears. If it works, Raistlin will say "Shirak" and the Staff of Magius will Glow. Defeat the Dark Queen. Normally, this would be the end, but instead of the closing sequence, Raistlin steps into the portal. Now you get to defeat the hack authors that butchered the rest of the Dragonlance series and the Marketing Reps at TSR. The battle has only begun!

If you win, Weis & Hickman shall sing your praises for eternity. If not, be prepared for
TALES III: Stories of People You've Never Heard Of.

DRAOGNLANCE—CHAMPIONS OF DEATH
Renaissance Man Games Production

GET YOUR COPY TODAY!!!(snigger)

"The Game of the Century" © Kevin James Kage