The Conundrum of the Returning Heroes
We like to beat heroes.
I mean we like horses. I mean beating horses.
We... like... beating... horses.
That doesn't sound right. If I keep it up, I'm going to have the animal rights people chasing after me, aren't I?
Start over.
What about Heroes' rights? They're promised X many book deals, no matter how badly each is directed. And they're promised that they won't suffer horrible deaths at the hands of unknown enemies (or authors). And they're promised they'll take down half a battalion (or one dragon), single-handedly, before falling in a blaze of glory and somehow quoting a final sentence of wisdom that will go down in the oral history of Dragonlance as gospel words which should be memorized by every man, woman and child (of every race inclusive).
I don't think most Heroes elected to sign on in the world of Dragonlance according to those terms, as most of them didn't seem to ultimately get these perks.
Except for maybe the book deals.
As any rabid fan knows, the Heroes of the Lance have been torn and trodden, overused and overplayed, abused and agonized over, extrapolated and exploited. Is it any wonder everyone is so sick of hearing about them?
(Except for the newbies of course. But they haven't had a chance to be driven totally nanners by the continual appearance of the same characters doing the same exploits over and over again. Give them time.)
We here at Dragonlance Underground are guilty of exploiting and overusing the Heroes of the Lance. No question, no denial. We've made ponies out of them, written essays about their sexuality (sexualities), made e-dolls where you can take their clothes off, and molested them to the point where they're crying little girlies. In return, we've heard rumors from our fans that we're growing old and stale, crusty like the dinos of the days of yore.
Because of this, I attempted to write something humorous and witty centered around the old Dragonlance comics that were released in the late 80s/early 90s. It was my luck (and with Raistlehoff's bottomless pockets), that I stumbled across the entire collection and sat down to read them, looking for ideas and inspiration. I had story content and I had artwork to work with. All I needed was a spark of inspiration and a sense of humor (which is apparently still on backorder).
While reading these comics, I discovered something (besides how horribly bad they are). I could come up with entertaining and funny commentary, but unfortunately, I found one major problem. Who in their right mind has actually *read* these things in recent memory (and will admit to it)? Just based on the applications to join the DLU staff that I've seen, these comics were published before half the online fan base was even *born*!
How's that for making some of you feel like old farts?
This information has lead us to believe that the Dragonlance fan base, viewed as a whole nowadays, consists more and more of "new" fans that are barely out of their diapers. The older generation fans are either dying of old age, atrophying in mediocrity, or are becoming non-fans. Younger fans seem to be the more vocal of our readers (as our message forum would indicate) and they're not yet sick of jokes poking at Heroes of the Lance. Or at least they recognize them.
But frankly, we old fogies have gotten tired of the Heroes. Believe me, our writers would love to work with new material. We feel like we're stuck, however. We're beating the same old heroes over and over again because, ultimately, it works! You new kids refuse to read further then the Heroes of the Lance. The majority of you recognize the characters, get the jokes, and cry for more. And you submit material to us that are built on the same concept.
So this is a set of challenges to all you bumhugs out there who have grumbled that Dragonlance Underground has fallen into the same trap as the publishers of the Dragonlance novel line.
A new year has arrived and we at DLU will be celebrating our fifth birthday. It's the Fifth Age of DLU, so help us try making it a new one. Read the blasted new books coming out for Dragonlance. Either send us submissions about new characters, new events (or even old events that don't pertain to the overused Heroes); or send us ideas about the same for us to work with. We're trying our damndest here, but if we don't get feedback and just get to hear vague rumors that people are whining on message boards that we're old and stale, we're going to keep pumping out those tired old Heroes (who haven't paid us off for years).
Before you know it, we'll feature a set of drawings of the Heroes in their geriatric years.
And believe me, you don't want to see Sturm with a walker and Tika wearing depends.
We'll do it too, if we don't get some inspiration.
Consider this your warning.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
- Pink Floyd "Eclipse"
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