Dragons of a Movie Dawning
I was really enjoying my hiatus, sitting back and sipping pina coladas while going over in my mind various plots to conquer or destroy the world. So much fun, in fact, that I should NOT have been surprised when the other Raistlins tracked me down and delivered most saddening news. The Dragonlance movie was a go. At first I was a little annoyed that my fellow evil mages would pull such a heinous joke on yours truly, but when I checked the source of the rumor and found it to be Mrs. Weis, there had to be no doubt as to its validity. That said, I knew immediately that I had to write about this most villainous plot- one that I thought only *I* was capable of.
Now, fans have been waiting to hear news of this movie.. well, since Dragonlance has had fans. But I put it before you how many people were looking forward to the Dungeons and Dragons movie, and what a monsterous waste of time and effort *THAT* was. There is also the fact that no matter what, the fans will not be pleased. I have been all over, plotting against this world and that, and I can tell you without hesitation that Dragonlance fans are the most vicious, the most rabid, the most merciless fanbase to ever grace fandom. Every single detail is churned over and over, every aspect analysed and dissected. And if there is so much as one single flaw, just one detail overlooked, then everyone *WILL* hear about it, and continue to hear about it until fire rains from the heavens to kill the people who have found the flaw. Even then there is a good chance that it will be resurrected. I ask you, how can any possible translation of the series to the movie be able to please such a crowd?
It has also been mentioned that "Big name stars" may be taking part of this facade. Now even the most lenient of you out there should be raising your eyebrows questioningly. After all, big stars equal large expenditures, and while I feel confidant that the movie has picked up a goodly sum of backing money in order to make it work, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't exactly have a Waterworld sized budget to pay off these superstars. What does this mean? It means that in order to have a well known name on the movie poster, cuts must be made in other areas- CG, props, filming locations, schedule cuts... All of these things are very, very bad. Just how much will *YOU* enjoy the Dragonlance movie when the dragons are animated like the living skeletons in Ray Harryhausen's Jason and the Argonauts? Or mechanically lumbering along in stop motion like King Kong? Or what about if the great Staff of Magius is nothing more than a long cane with no intricate carvings or the crystal at the top in the dragons claw because they didn't have the budget left to make it.
Also there is a problem in finding a director. Who can possibly take the challenge of converting our beloved series in a way that satisfies both the fans and the producers? The first name I hear you all screaming, of course, is Peter Jackson. I'll tell you right off the bat that I have loved the Lord of the Rings series, both the books as well as the incredible movies. I would love to travel to Middle Earth (and conquer it, of course). Let me also say right off the bat that Peter Jackson's wonderful rendition of the series is nothing more than a lucky strike of chance. A fortunate break that a down and out small time director would be given the script of the century and a budget to match. Without the wonderful script and massive budget, Peter Jackson wouldn't have been able to pull the Hobbits themselves into the theater to watch. Oh, and lets not forget the fact that Jackson has commented before about how he would likely never do any sort of adaptation for a movie again, after all the death threats he recieved (yes, death threats) from some of the more... obsessed fans. Lets not kid ourselves here, *SOMEONE* would likely send Jackson a dismembered head in the mail if he even *CONSIDERED* changing a detail on Verminaards helmet. Who else can we get then? Not any of the big name directors, that's for sure. Their salary will likely make our superstars cut of the budget look like money to pay a catering service at a church function. That means we would be looking at an unknown. My dear friends, Jackson was an unknown. Don't expect lightning to strike twice in the same place.
So I guess that's it. If the Dragonlance movie isn't scrapped during production from lack of funds or lack of talent, then we can count on our beloved fans to do the job for them. It's not a *BAD* idea to make a Dragonlance movie, not by a long run. However some things should stay just as that- an idea. The movie is up against unsurmountable odds, everything is against it. To pull a quote from a big budget movie, "We just rolled up a snowball and threw it into hell. Now we'll see how long it lasts." In closing this tirade, let me assure you that the Dragonlance movie still does, indeed, have a chance of making it. Then again, there is also a chance that people could mutate into genetically altered monsters and kill off humanity in a week. I don't put much emphasis on chance. I'll be at the opening of the movie, ticket in hand, that *IS* a promise. Then again, I'm a Raistlin, and therefore a Masochist.
What's your excuse?
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