Now is the Time for Heroes
In a move that is sure to shock and confound the Iraqi enemy, it is been announced that the servicemen of Marine Infantry Division 1-162 "B Company" have legally changed their names to various characters in the Dragonlance series.
"B Company," formerly known as "The Bushmasters" are now referring to their platoon as "The Heroes of the Lance," CNN reported last Thursday. "We wanted a name that would inspire a sense of duty, courage and honor," said Captain Tanis Half-Elven. "Most of us had read Dragonlance at some point or another, and we all agreed that the Heroes of the Lance were the perfect models for our new image."
"A lot of our families thought we were crazy," added First Sergeant Sturm Brightblade, "and the brass weren't too pleased either. The increase in morale quickly changed their minds. My wife fully supports my decision. In fact, she's considered changing her name to Alhana."
"We've been razzed a lot by the other platoons," said Corporal Raistlin Majere. "But we won't let that stop us. 'That which does not kill us', as they say."
Not everyone in the platoon is as happy with the name changes however. When asked about his name change, Private Laurana Solostaran said, "I really didn't mind the idea, but I was hoping I could be Verminaard. The Captain said being a bad guy would be bad for morale."
When asked about his name change, Private "Bunny" Jackson said, "Toward the end we were running out of names, you know?"
In an interview, when asked what he thought about the name changes, Secretary of State Colin Powell said, "I'll change my name to Fizban the Fabulous if it brings all our brave soldiers home safely."
Members of the press suggested Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld change his name to Gunthar Uth Wistan. Rumsfeld declined. However, rumors are already circulating that the President has requested his staff to call him, 'Highbulp Bush.'
Rumsfeld went on record saying, "This is the silliest April Fools joke I've ever heard."
We at Dragonlance Underground are inclined to agree.
To all the brave fighting men in Iraq, we hope you return to us safely.
The Dragonlance Underground Staff
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