The 3E Bitter Dino Class
The bitter dino is an ancient poster on alt.fan.dragonlance (or the mailing list) who has spent a great deal of time devoted both to Dragonlance and to the newsgroup itself. The dino's understanding of Dragonlance is at times astounding, and at other times a bit scary....
A bitter dino has to be confirmed by another bitter dino, and is only the result of many years of posting on alt.fan.dragonlance. After using the newsgroup, something seems to change in the person; the world seems darker, no one agrees with the dino and Wizards of the Coast especially ignores them. Some dinos have managed to avoid this fate, but that is a rare dead lizard indeed.
Any class can become a bitter dino and there seems to be no one group the dino originates from. All races and professions are welcome to the honored halls of dinohood, but two things are necessary for dinohood: a love for Dragonlance and the inability to work with others.
Alignment: Any
Hit Die: d6
Requirements:
Race: Any
Base Attack Bonus: +4
Bluff: 3
Knowledge (Dragonlance): 5
Knowledge (alt.fan.dragonlance): 8
Special: Because of their, ehm, personality a bitter dino cannot have the diplomacy skill. A bitter dino must have not only been a member of the alt.fan.dragonlance community for at at least three years, but they also must be thoroughly disenchanted with how Wizards of the Coast has handled Dragonlance.
Class Skills: The bitter dino's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Bluff (CHA), Knowledge (Dragonlance) (INT), Knowledge (alt.fan.dragonlance old topics and denizens) (INT), and Intimidate (CHA).
Weapon and Armor Proficiency: No weapons. A dino's bark is worse than his bite. As a dino must be ready for battle at any time, the bitter dino may wear any armor and use any shield.
Table: The Bitter Dino
Base Attack Fort Ref Will
Class Level Bonus Save Save Save Special
----------- ----- ---- ---- ---- -------
1st +0 +0 +0 +2 Detect Newbie
2nd +1 +0 +0 +3 Detect Dino
3rd +1 +1 +1 +3 RTFF, Favored Topic
4th +2 +1 +1 +4 Preach to the Converted
5th +2 +1 +1 +4 Flame On!
6th +3 +2 +2 +5 Reveal Lurkers
7th +3 +2 +2 +5 Invisibility to Authors who need criticism
8th +4 +2 +2 +6 Invisibility to WoTC
9th +4 +3 +3 +6 Endless Rant
10th +5 +3 +3 +7 Total Flame War
Detect Newbie: One of the first abilities that a bitter dino gains is to detect the presence of newbies. THE ALL CAPS GIVE IT AWAY!!!
Detect Dino: A bitter dino then gains the ability to detect others of their kind.
RTFF: One of the first offensive abilities a dino learns is to respond to newbies posts with RTFF (READ THE F@#%ING FAQ!)
Favored Topic: Choose one topic in the Dragonlance saga and an opinion on the matter. They gain a +2 fanaticism bonus to flame when posting on this topic.
Preach to the Converted: The fine art of trying to get people to believe something they already believe comes quite naturally to the dinos of alt.fan.dragonlance. The dino chooses a subject that most people can agree on and posts about it whenever possible.
Flame On!: The dino been doing this so long, online arguments have become second nature. The dino gains both a +2 bonus to any flame and an additional +2 fanaticism bonus to flame an argument of their favored topic.
Reveal Lurkers: Now the dino has the ability to make statements that can cause Lurkers to post. When a dino uses this ability, Lurkers have to save using their willpower -2 or post their opinion about the topic.
Invisibility to Authors who Need Criticism: At this point, the dino is so bitter that the people who might profit from their criticism start to ignore them. This of course does not imply in any way that the dino does not have anything to contribute, just that people ignore their opinions.
Invisibility to WoTC: Wizards of the coast no longer listens to any advice from the bitter dino, they can't even get people who are paid to talk to customers to listen to them anymore.
Endless Rant: Near the pinnacle of dino power they gain the ability to rant forever about their favored topic. The only limiting factor is their stamina. The dino may rant until they collapse.
Ignite War: While not really a secret, attaining this ability is the pinnacle of being a dino. At this level the dino understands the newsgroup and other dinos so well you can cause flame wars to erupt for months just from a single post. A prime example: Stig's "Raistlin is a woman" post. Everyone reading the post presenting the dino's idea must make a willpower save at -5 to avoid joining in the war.
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