The Ancient Broccoli
| Date: | 25 Fleurgreen, 362 AC |
| From: | Harem Inbarn, Chief Broccologist, Greenakers Site, Subdept. of Ancient History, Produce Dept. of Research, Library of Palanthas |
| To: | Supervisor Snorrel, Subdept. of Ancient History, Produce Dept. of Research, Academic Tree Branch, Library of Palanthas |
| Re: | Current Status of Excavations and Preliminary Analysis of Findings |
Greetings from the field, sir!
All goes well at the Greenakers Site. I think the digging here over the next few years will yield much fruit about the Ancient Broccoli Civilization. (We now know the first race on Krynn wasn't Irda or lizard men or even animal—it was vegetable.) I have included in this first report excerpts from my field notes and a synopsis of research conducted at the Great Library prior to entering the field. I must warn the reader that some of the sources are by carnivores (hence their view of the Broccoli civilization may be somewhat biased), and as such must be viewed with some scepticism.
Praise to Gilean and vegetables,
Harem Inbarn
Lettuce begin with the history of this race...
SYNOPSIS OF RESEARCH ON THE BROCCOLI
HISTORY
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What is available exists mainly in the form of myths and legends told by the descendents of the Broccoli—the Broccolini, and thus is likely fanciful and embellished with cheese. Vechtabel DuJour, a Pre-Cataclysmic explorer, armchair explorer and vegan, describes certain aspects of the Broccoli culture in detail, but his sources are unknown and cannot be verified. Their legends speak of the broccoli as being the first ones, the original children of the Gods; a race of vegetables in a time before mammals and reptiles when the planet was yet barren. It was in this primordial dessert in which the Broccoli first took root. Plants were creeping out onto the surface of Krynn after first developing in the seas. It was a world truly different from the Krynn we know now, especially from the Creationist claptrap that Astinus penned in Dragonlance Adventures. The Broccoli civilization blossomed for several thousand years, they say, growing, wilting, and fading into memory as the atmosphere on Krynn changed. And all this happened before even animals were around. By the time human cities started to appear, the Broccoli only survived in small isolated bunches in various places on Ansalon. | I have enclosed a noted anthropologist's rendering of a typical broccoli:
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THE ROOT OF EVIL: THE BROCCOLI STALKERS OF ISTAR
The following is paraphrased from various volumes of the Chronicles of Astinus that no one has ever read before:
As the Gods started introducing other animals and races to Krynn, the Broccoli population was hunted mercilessly and trimmed by rabbits and grazing herds of minotaur. The Broccoli appealed to the Gods for help, and Chislev answered their summons, setting up nurseries for the purpose of raising more Broccoli. Unbeknownst to Chislev, Takhisis stole inside those nurseries and whispered to the gestating Broccoli seeds, corrupting their souls and tweaking their genetic structure. The Broccolini were born, turning to evil within just a few years, and would gradually outnumber the Broccoli.During the Reign of Istar, the Broccolini and Broccoli both were persecuted by order the Kingpriest. The Broccoli were henceforth banned from inns and dinner tables. Heads of Broccoli became sought after by bounty hunters when princely sums of money could be gotten for them.
There are very few Broccoli remaning on Ansalon. Low propogation rates, persecution, rabbits, vegetarianism and the health food craze have repeatedly conspired to wipe the Broccoli from the face of Krynn. The Broccoli and Broccolini that are still alive now live cowering in remote corners of Krynn, where the atmosphere is humid and mild and within the temperature range of 12 to 17 degrees Celsius.
SOCIETY
The following notes on Broccoli culture are taken from Delicious Lost Cuisines of Ansalon by Vechtabel DuJour:
At the height of Broccoli civilization, the Broccoli had a highly developed political system, educational system, legal system and eccelesiastical order (worshipping Chislev, of course). They also developed a culture that was so advanced and active in art-related and political debate that it subsequently splintered the Broccoli into two major groups—Horti, and Agri. Broccoli that considered themselves immersed in either of these cultures looked down upon those in the other.
| This painting on onion skin paper was found by an Aesthetic around 10 PC. It is a little known fact that the Broccoli were the inventors of ballet and the afro. Young broccoli were raised in regulated nurseries, and as they grew older, they were separated and cultivated in separate patches according to their grades. If Broccoli looked yellow and wilting, they were cast out of the nursery or patch. And if a Broccoli looked too old, it was also deemed worthless and cast out. The Broccoli were strict in their belief (that was encouraged by Chislev and various Krynnish farmers) that only the best-looking Broccoli could be allowed to live and propogate. If a Broccoli was deemed as corrupt or "harboring a worm in his core," he was weeded out of Broccoli society. |
COMMENTARY AND SUPPLEMENTARY NOTES
Astinus says that the Broccoli existed, so they must have.
REFERENCES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR FURTHER READING
Astinus of Palanthas's Chronicles
Vechtabel DuJour's Delicious Lost Cuisines of Ansalon
Bettik Rokker's Vegetarian Cooking
Martas Twowart's Guide to Home Gardening
Mann's Illuminated Book of the Broccoli
FIELD REPORT:
GREENAKERS, A BROCCOLI CITY IN NORDMAAR
Site status as of 362 AC
Man, this place is a ruin.
17 Brookgreen, 362 AC
We dug and dug, and found a whole bunch of really old metal instruments that look like farming implements. So we cleaned them off and passed them around so that more Brothers could use them to help in the digging.
25 Brookgreen, 362 AC
Finally, some luck! I think we have come upon an ancient Broccoli burial site. I also think we have evidence that the Broccoli might have been a cannibalistic culture. Apparently the dead were heaped in a pile with earth and dung and fed to the newborn Broccoli to make them strong.
5 Yurthgreen, 362 AC
We think that we have found some dwellings, and all of them have a common feature; that is, a huge rectangular construction of wood, kind of like a bottomless box, that was filled with earth. I can only guess that it must have served as a communal bed where several Broccoli may have slept in together at the same time. What kind of sexual mores did the Broccoli have? It is interesting that nothing about this was mentioned in Vechtabel DuJour's book.
6 Yurthgreen, 362 AC
We found bits of metal frames and molten glass—clearly evidence of an advanced living structure. We have no idea why the Broccoli wished to build dwellings of glass, but perhaps the fact that they coincide with Krynn's first ice age is a clue.
CONCLUDING NOTES
There remains much work to be done at the Greenakers site. Each day raises more questions and arouses the hunger of the Brothers to find evidence of the Broccoli. I hope that more information about this intriguing species may be found both here and in the Great Library. And perhaps in time we may find a Broccoli nursery where seeds can still be found, so that the Broccoli may be revived and grown again. When that happens, we shall invite you here to Greenakers to share in a nice steaming healthy dinner to celebrate the Broccoli mission.
Brother Harem Inbarn
Chief Broccologist, Greenakers Site, Nordmaar
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