Underground Classifieds

By

By Lady Raist and Staff



FOR SALE CHEAP: One slightly used magic gem with teleport spell permanently cast upon it. Spells destination is iffy, in the general vicinity of The Abyss. Great for a gag gift, inlaws, enemies, kender, and greedy dwarves. Asking for 20stl but will negotiate. Contact Scamar Tist at Notacrook@thievesguild.org

Sell rat. Very smelly. Dead long time. Good, good, yummy rat. Much yummy rat stew. Me Glurp. Look for in glurp@gullidwurf.cam

For Sale: Device of Time Journying. Slightly damaged. Must sell! Will accept any offer. Contact Tasslehoff at tasslehoff@solace.net

For sale, used spellbooks. LOTS of used spellbooks at must-go prices! Contact wizards@wayreth.com



Affordable beachfront property! Prime land in the now liberated Qualinesti! 10 acres of land in the legendary elven city of Qualinost. No more dragon to fear! Some areas may be slightly singed. Sold 'as is'. Contact Gil with offer at 1 (800) ELF-KING.



SEEKING ROOMATE: Male elf seeks roommate to share multi level tower in scenic woodland location. Room and Board provided. Friendly neighbors. Pool of Seeing on premises. Contact fiveholes@darkelf.net



JOIN TODAY!-
Fight Greed
Fight Oppression
Fight Wrong
Fight Evil!
Join the Solamnic Reserve today!
http://www.solamnia.gov

JOIN TODAY!-
Fight WITH Greed
Fight WITH Oppression
Fight WITH Wrong
Fight WITH Evil!
Join the Nerakan Reserve today!
http://www.darkknights.gov

Help Wanted: full-time positions available immediately in the Army of the One God. Love of travel a plus. Contact Mina at mina@onegod.net to set up an interview. We are an equal opportunity employer.

Wanted: edditers kneaded too prof-red fictin novvels form a populer fantesy seeries. No experyence nessessery. Contact dl-staff@wizards.com.

SEEKING: Young strong wizards with a bright future. You may be my last chance. Email: Fisty@hotmail.com



PLEASE KILL ME!! Any way you can, please kill me! Will offer cash bonus if I stay dead for more than a month!! Contact me at firstmaster@citadeloflight.org



Discreet and Confidential Escort Service.
We'll always have the right companion for you. For ladies, our male escort is smart, sexy, and incredibly suave. Contact Raistsexsexsex@dragonlanceunderground.com. Our company is also looking to hire attractive young females.



LOOKING FOR WORK
Young hardworking female intern looking for new work, preferably a job with flexible hours and lots of excitement. Fast learner, willing to try any position. Contact raistlynn@dragonlanceunderground.com



Does it seem like the magic is gone? Lost your profession due to the gods leaving? Contact Tolstrup Attornies at law. We are going to make those bastards pay. fightback@tolstrup.com



Tavin's Recovery Service- Has someone taken something from you? Do you want it back? Do you want it back now? Call the professional at taking things! CALL NOW: 1-888-POCKETS

LOOKING FOR TWIN BROTHER!! Goes by the name of Raistlin or Raist. Stringy white hair, coppery skin, hourglass eyes, very frail. Good magic user. If you've seen my brother, contact me at drunkard@solace.net



Knight Seeks Woman in Shining Armor: (Male Seeking Female, 28 years old, 6'4" tall) Knight in shining armor seeks woman of the same. If you are looking for honor, integrity, and love in a well oiled suit of armor look no further. Must enjoy jousts, duels to the death, heavy drinking and making love in armor. Looking for that solid foundation to rest your weary helm upon, than look no further. Please send picture of your armor with or without you in it. Contact me at platemale@armory.com

SG+M looking looking for S*F. 1337 guy looking for an 1337 grrl. lets stay up night tinkering with your b4wx, and I'll compile your code all night long. Email r4i5t1in@dragonlanceunderground.com
(+gold)

Irda Male seeking Irda Female. I am tall, thin, desperate and beautiful. Hoping to find the same. I enjoy laughing at the lesser races and watching snail races in the early morning mist. Contact me at loveisblue@yahoo.com

23yr old male kender looking for upbeat gal with lots of cool stuff. Lots of cool stuff a must. Email Tavin@springfingers.com

Fat balding smelly lazy repulsive unemployed dwarf seeks stout female loveslave to fetch ale, cook meals, pick up dirty clothes, and suck toes. Contact me at beerbelly@hylar.net

SWM seeks F: Must find me funny, charming, and exceedingly more handsome than Steve Miller. A working knowledge of bar etiquette and willingness to quietly respect frequent diatribes a must. A good dirty martini recipe a definate bonus. Ask for me at the Inn of the Next to Last Home, or email raisted@dragonlanceunderground.com

Are you an attractive minotaur with birthing hips, shapely udders, fine body hair and a nice rack? Here's a minotaur who will treat you well regardless of your personality. Contact me at mooveme@theherd.com

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Lonely mage looking for magess to rule the world with. 20 something brilliant mage looking for a tactically minded magess hell bent on world domination. Knowledge of war and battle tactics a must! Looking forward to long nights in front of a romantic fireplace scheming atrocities against all things good and decent. Contact me at GoldenBoy@dragonlanceunderground.com

Seeking someone to spend all eternity with. Have stronghold with choir. Email lsoth@nightlund.com



Vivacious GullyDwarf, 47, seeks gully with same taste. Must have own teeth. Contact at twoteeth@dragonlanceunderground.com

Kender need love too! Female kender seeks like minded Male - If you enjoy spending long nights in jail cells, trying to find alternate entrances to any esablishment, finding things, and being kicked out of stores, shops, taverns, inns, cities, homes, mage towers, dragons dens, caves, tents, castles, ships, laboratories, schools, libraries, outhouses and chicken coops we already have twenty things in common! Lets get together and find out how many pouch items we have together! Contact me at kendermaid@wanderlust.com

SMF with neglectful husband seeking companion with interests in art and travel. Sorcerers need not apply. Email usha@solace.net



MWM seeks willing F to expand his ever growing empire. Looking for lucky wife number 13. Must be good with many, many children. Hiking, swimming, bicycling, and long romantic moonlit strolls on the beach are appreciated as long as I don't have to be there. Gully Dwarves need not apply. Contact raistlame@dragonlanceunderground.com

Shy, sensitive male looking for a long-term companion. Must appreciate fine arts, fine dining, quiet evenings, long talks, and gardening. Must enjoy role-playing, at the kitchen table and in the bedroom. Willingness to wear school uniforms (of both genders) a plus. Contact niltsiar@dragonlanceunderground.com.



Looking for the Almighty: Young Single Female looks for The One Perfect God. Interested in sharing time with the One True God. Applicants must be Omnipotant, control the dead, and be the true One God. All others need not apply. Contact me at mina@dragonlance.com

BWF seeking female for working partnership and possible relationship. Must know what she wants and be willing to work with me in several projects. Also seeking single male, preferably submissive, but if not, that can be fixed. Must enjoy having two female bosses to train him for his work. Contact LadyRaist@dragonlanceunderground.com

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