Gnomish Flumpett
In the years following the Cataclysm, the Gnomes of Mt. Nevermind sought to bring festivity and mirth to the ravaged lands of Krynn. These times saw a plethora of merry-making inventions, most of them fatal. But while firework hats and rubber gag swords eventually died in popularity, one of Mt. Nevermind's more peculiar inventions has remained: the sport of Gnomish Flumpett.
Gnomish Flumpett is considered the national sport of Mt. Nevermind. The GnFL (Gnomish Flumpett League) oversees the sport. Official tournaments are held once every four to six years, to the horror of the humans of Sancrist. Damage estimates have never been successfully calculated during a game of Gnomish Flumpett, however Gnomish annalists have assured the populace that it's no more dangerous than a typhoon or a mid-sized earthquake.
The Rules of Gnomish Flumpett
Gnomish Flumpett is played with 5 teams, 37 players to a team, plus 13 inner judges, 14 outer judges, 7 grand judges, 3 grander judges, 1 Judge Foreman and a 157 man Foreman Appointing Committee. Plus a ball and a kender.
It is played on a hexagonal field 500 meters across. This area is referred to as the Infield. In addition, there is the Outfield, which consists of the rest of Krynn. At the center of the Infield is a 100 meter high pole with a hoop on the end.
The object of Gnomish Flumpett is deceptively simple: the first team to get the ball through the hoop wins. Alternatively the game can be won by getting the kender through the hoop, a maneuver known as a Flumpett ('flumpett' is onomatopoeia. It is the sound of a kender hitting the ground at high speed.) To perform one of these two tasks, the teams may employ anything they can find in either the Infield or the Outfield (commonly referred to as "Athletic Equipment"). In addition, they are actively encouraged to sabotage the efforts of the other teams. This is often referred to as Skirmishing. Only rarely does it involve weapons.
However, the following rules must be obeyed.
1. Only 5 team members can leave the Infield at any given time. This applies to any form of departure, including, but not limited to walking, crawling, rolling, digging, jumping, flying, teleportation, and disintegration. Teams that lose a member must consider them 'in the Outfield' for the duration of the game, however, they may petition the grand judges to drop the player from their roster.
That said, there are no rules against moving the Infield, a tactic that was successfully employed in 248 AC, when Siganwuzzernip's undefeated Cannonfodders actually moved the Infield to the bottom of the ocean, there by making the hoop more accessible.
2. The Players may seek the assistance of other teams, the judges, or even the kender. However, they are forbidden to ask the help of spectators and passersby (frequently referred to by their technical name: Victims). However if a Victim stumbles onto the field while the ball is in play they are classified as Tourists, and they may be freely exploited as such.
3. Judges are in charge of making rulings. The Inner Judges are forbidden to make a ruling without the consent of the Outer Judges. The Outer Judges are forbidden to give consent without prior approval from the Grand Judges. The Grand Judges must beg the Grander Judges on their hands and knees for permission to grant approval. The Grander Judges cannot grant approval without a signed writ of certification from the Judge Foreman. There is no Judge Foreman until the Foreman Appointing Committee selects one.
4. Once the Judge Foreman has been selected by the Foreman Appointing Committee, the game is over, even if no one has scored.
5. In the event that the kender is carrying the ball and happens to go through the hoop, the score is considered a Double Flumpett. Everyone in the Infield gets cake. The kender gets two pieces of cake, however none of the teams score.
6. The ball and the kender must be kept in the Infield at all times. If the kender leaves the Infield, no other rules apply until the kender is returned.
These are the major rules, however there are no less than 149 minor rules, 27 statutes and a limerick. The limerick is very rarely cited, as it is considered dirty.
All of these rules may be appended by a majority vote of the judges, but only after the game has ended.
Should any Player, Judge or Tourist break the rules, they are given a Foul. A foul consists of being shackled to a gully dwarf for the duration of the game. The kender does not receive fouls, except by personal request. Anyone in the Infield may call a Foul.
Games of Gnomish Flumpett generally last up to three weeks. The infamous game of 308 AC lasted for four years, as the kender wandered into the Outfield and the Judge Foreman was eaten by a bear. Since that episode bears are no longer allowed as athletic equipment.
To the Gnomes, Flumpett is not merely a pass time: it is a way of life. Gnomish Flumpett requires all of the skills gnomes admire most: shrewd insight, a talent for invention, and effective middle-management. We at Dragonlance Underground salute the brave players of Gnomish Flumpett. More so, we salute the spectators.
But most of all, we salute the kender.
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