Mount Nevermind Statement of Intention to Solicit a Dual Reciprocated Amourous Relationship (Condensed)
If you want to go through the Gnomish love contract again, click here
So, I came up with an idea of doing a Gnomish Valentine's day card. Woah. I did not know what I was getting myself into. I need a valentine's day card that will have
a) Something legalese.So it's Saturday the 12th. I need to really get on the ball with this card, so I go to my local bookstore. Let me remind you, this is valentine's day weekend. So hearts and flowers are everywhere and the local bookstore is quite festive. So....
b) Covers the range of finding love.
I go to the law section. Much to my surprise, there's a book about the legal definition of love. I kid you not folks; there are legal books about the definition of being in love. It was fascinating and disturbing, ranging from medical responses, to abusing parasitic love. So I pulled that book out of the shelves for further reading. Right next to it is a book about prenuptial agreements. SCORE! Any Gnomish love card needs a prenuptial agreement just for thoroughness. They have lots of legalese there with provisions, and lots of places to place signatures. Right next to that was a legal book about marriages with sample marriage licenses. Then... divorce books. SWEET! Wills! And providing for next of kin! And my brain is saying... a Valentine's day card with a prenuptial agreement, a marriage license, AND divorce papers with wills and custody contracts. My god, that's pure gnomish efficiency... And it would be a minimum of about 450 pages of solid legal contracts. Perfect research material for what I need.
So, I grabbed the mounting pile of books, took a seat, and began reading. After about 30 minutes of this, I start noticing that there are a lot of people staring at me, especially women, as they were walking by. A pretty good-looking bookstore clerk came by to ask me if everything is okay, and if I needed anything like coffee refills. At first I thought it was Valentine's day and women were flirting with me. Maybe. (OKAY, that was hubris and ego. Fine.) But women were staring for a reason. THEN I took a notice of my surroundings. My seat at the book store was placed right next to a huge table with lots of red valentine's day hearts, pink envelopes, books about writing love letters, and lots of stuff about finding love, and the joy of being in love. And here I am reading from a stack of books labeled prenuptial agreements, writing last wills, marriage licenses and DIVORCE!
Woops.
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