Lady Dragonleather
Lovelorn? Shy? Feeling inadequate, or just feeling lonely? Fear not. Lady Dragonleather has lots of experience in love, and she'll give you the advice you never knew you needed.
Here are today's questions:
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
My health is bad, I look sickly, and even when I get the occasional woman in bed, my hacking cough really gets in the way. What do I do?
Try a sensual massage with some menthol and camphor in your oils. Besides the obvious help it'll provide for your cough, the stuff will also get your skin and senses all nice and tingly. As for your looks, it's nothing that a bit of darkness can't fix.
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
I'm a tall, dark handsome barbarian who speaks only when spoken to. I love a goldenhaired woman but I fear that her father, the head of our tribe, will not consent to our relationship. I have done everything he has ever asked of me. I have travelled the ends of the earth. What can I do? Sincerely, Blue Staffbearer.
Dear Blue Staffbearer,
Tall dark and handsome? Honey, dump that snobby chit and bare that staff for ME.
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
The lady I'm in love with has revealed herself to a dragon. Now I am starting to feel really inadequate regarding my size. What do I do? Sincerely, Dragonrider
Dear Dragonrider,
The simple answer is to have her polymorph to human form. But polymorph sex is never quite as good. trust me on this. Feeling small? Most girls will tell you size doesn't matter. It's a flat-out lie. Size does matter. But it's nothing a simple Enlarge spell couldn't fix. However, I'm an old-fashioned kind of girl and I prefer leather to spells in the bedroom. In these situations, I suggest fourplay. Not foreplay, mind you. Sharing your dragon goddess might seem unreasonable, but if the alternative is her running off with some red, take what you can get. Good luck!
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
I'm in a long-distance relationship and I think my boyfriend is cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. But I still love him. I don't know what to do. Help, Sleepless near Solanthus
Quit moping. If you can't learn to share, dump the bastard and find yourself a nice dragonarmy general to provide distraction.
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
Sometime back I had an affair with my best friend's lover. It was only one night, but I still feel guilty. Moreso, because I realize now that it was not the woman I wanted but the man. Should I confront my friend with what I've done? Should I confront him with my feelings? Is there any hope for us? Fly-by-Knight
Dear Fly-by-Knight,
You bloody queer! of course you don't tell him anything! You must completely pretend that nothing ever happened. Let him find out over your dead body.
Dear Lady Dragonleather,
Every night I have singing elven women to accompany me through the night. I have long tired of them, and it is a particular human woman I want. But because of a certain condition I've been striken with, I think my burning eyes scare her, and my touch would turn her cold.
I think this quill is going to break if I hold it much longer. Help?
Back off, Soth. I know it's you.
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