Last Call
"Hey, you there, can't you see we're closing? It's last call at the Inn of the Next to Last Home. Wait a minute… I know you. Dear Reader! What a pleasure it is to see you again. Of course you can stop in for one last drink. Might as well drain the well, as it were. We are, as you know, closing our crooked doors and sweeping our sawdust floors for the last time. Come, sit, and ignore the dirty looks from the bouncer. Let old Raisted clink your glass one last time. I must warn you, though. I've done my best to clear out the old inventory, if you know what I mean. I sold my last pint of cold refreshment a half hour past. However, I can pour you a tumbler of what I like to call the Istar Sewer, or, Liquid Cataclysm. It is a delicate mix of whatever ends up in the runoff tray at the end of the night. This one is a fine blend of ale, dwarven spirits, and fey wine and special tonight Gully Dwarf glug glug. That's the Highbulp of Beers. Now take care and drink that slowly. If you see the third moon, you've had enough.
"I know you have a lot of questions, Old Friend. You could probably start with, 'Where ya been these past five years, Raisted ol' buddy?' Truth is, I'm not entirely sure. There are a lot of fuzzy memories. I recall throwing one hell of a party in the Tower. The gnomes brought fireworks. Minotaur chased the Guardian (rest his twice dead soul). Some freak named Mina danced on tables. Chaos showed up and left just as quick; we were just that crazy. The other raistlins were furious. Next thing I knew, I was being rubbed with a dead rat by Flappy the GD bar back and the locks had been changed at the Tower. I was here enough that the owner gave me a bartending job. It was the only way he could be sure I'd repay my tab.
"I don't really mind though. All things change and all good things and all that. Cheers to you, Dear Reader, for sticking with the Underground longer than I. I hope you enjoyed the end as much as I enjoyed the beginning. You will still find me, here and there. I'm still at Gen Con most every year, and I still throw a wild party out on the town when I'm there. I'll still do my best to blend the line between geek and mainstream, to show that we should all enjoy the party together. Maybe I'll open a new inn one day. Although, that sounds like a great deal of work.
"The only thing I know for sure is that it is closing time. Finish your drink, Dear Reader. I need to kill the power before Flappy gnaws through the cord to the jukebox again. Take care, and thanks for stopping in to say goodbye. Let's part quietly and not turn this into a cliché. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
Eric "Raisted" Keyser
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