Dragonlance Books that Didn't Make It

By Niltsiar and Lady Raist

With the sheer number of Dragonlance books on the shelves, it's hard to believe that there have been Dragonlance books that failed to reach print. Dragonlance Underground has uncovered a few of these titles, and today we will share them for the first time.

The following are a selection of non-fiction books that tied into the Dragonlance series. No one can be sure why these books never reached print. We have our suspicions however.

Click on the image to bring up a larger version of it

Dragonlance for Dummies 'A Reference for All of You.' Designed as a primer for the Dragonlance Newbie, Dragonlance for Dummies is a storehouse of Dragonlance knowledge second only to the mythic Dragonlance Encyclopedia. The authors, Tolstrup & Sandø tell newbies exactly what they need to hear, leaving no expletive unsaid. While much of the core Dragonlance doctrine is covered in considerable detail, of greater interest are the sections on internet fandom, including a 232 page treatise explaining why anyone with AOL should automatically have their hands chewed off by rabid dingoes. DFD would have likely been a smash hit: an essential read for any true Dragonlance fan. It's hard to see how it was cancelled, however we believe Chapter 8 might have something to do with it. To quote it, in its entirety: Chapter 8: The Dragonlance Movie Think a Dragonlance Movie is a good idea? Want to see it happen? Here's what to do: Find a sharpened pencil and a piece of paper, a video camera, and a friend. Give the camera to your friend and have him start filming. Write down the names of all the characters on the left side of the paper Write down the actors who should play those characters on the right side of the paper. Turn pencil about 180 degrees so that the eraser is facing the page While humming Cliché fantasy music (we recommend 'O Fortuna'), repeatedly jab pencil into left eyesocket. Repeat with right eyesocket. By now, the page in front of you should be coated in blood and the names obscured. Voila! You have just filmed the epic scene where the heroes sink into Blood Sea of Istar! Send a copy of the film to Wizards of the Coast and complimentary review copies to the authors of this book. Of course, this is pure speculation on our part.

Chicken Soup for the Blackrobe Soul Frome the back cover: "Endearing stories of evil designed to inspire and nurture the Blackrobe in us all. Chicken Soup for the Blackrobe Soul takes us on a journey filled with treachery, cunning and malice. Learn how to tap these traits to unleash a healthier, wealthier, more powerful you. Heart-warming stories of good clerics roasting on spits and Knights of Solamnia flayed and mutilated will bring a cynical smirk to even the dreariest mage. Take heart. Someone does care about you. You! And as these stories illustrate, you are all you will ever need."

Zen and the Art of the Dragonlance Saga A masterful book on the merging of the metaphysical and the physical, Zen and the Art of the Dragonlance Saga explores the deep, profound messages about life that can be found in Dragonlance Cover Art. Dragonlance artists Larry Elmore, Clyde Caldwell, Keith Parkinson, and others provide essays that probe insights from each brushstroke. Here are some excerpts: "Staring at the heroes around the campfire, I suddenly realized that the group was so large their little flame could not possibly warm them all. Why then, do they huddle so futilely around its edges? Perhaps it is because, to them, the fire is a symbol of the material world. They cling to its light, because they are afraid to transcend into the unknown. Only Raistlin dares to look beyond the flame, to transcend beyond the material. We should learn from this example, and spurn our own material flames. And what of Tas and Flint? So far from the fire? This is also a lesson. When painting a large party of adventurers, try not to forget any, lest they be added at the last minute." "A massive rock hangs suspended in the air, a foundation for a great fortress. So too may we build our dreams on the insubstantial and the unearthly. The horsemen beneath it charge blindly ahead. So too may we run if there's a big-ass hunk of rock hanging over our heads." "A TARDIS on a bookshelf. Is it an allegory for the pleasures of fantasy? As the TARDIS transcends space and time, so do our souls when engrossed in a book. A powerful thing indeed, but see how small the TARDIS is upon the shelf? Never forget that the real world is bigger than any novel, lest your brain become like that TARDIS. Small, blue, and forever stuck in the shape of a phonebooth." How true.

Kender are from Krynn, Halflings are from Toril At last, Kender and Halflings can understand one another! This book, by noted Dinos, finally answers the questions that have stumped us for years. What makes a kender act so flighty? What keeps halflings rooted in their burrows? How can that flighty kender develop a stable relationship with a pragmatic halfling? Answer: They can't! Because Kender are from Krynn and Halflings are from Toril. What do you think this is? Spelljammer? Some people have the most unrealistic expectations.

All I really need to know, I learned from Kender Sean Macdonald takes us on a soul-searching journey to see the world with more innocent eyes, and touch the world with more innocent hands. And store the world in more innocent pouches to be sorted and traded later. Here are some of the timeless messages contained within: "There are many kinds of roads in the world, but only two kinds of paths: the ones we follow, and the ones we leave for tomorrow." "A story told only once is easily forgotten." "A kender without a pouch is likely to have just met another kender." "Money is worthless. What can it buy that we cannot find for ourselves? "If you come upon a fork in the road, pick it up. It doesn't do any good just lying there."

Before they were Heroes Ever wonder what it was like for the Heroes of the Lance before they were Heroes? Who were they? How did they live? How did they get to be the heroes of the lance? This compelling collection of short biographies gives us an insight into these men and women called 'Heroes.' Discover the tragedies and the triumphs of every day people destined for fame and glory. From Tanis's struggle to make ends meet with three dead end jobs to Sturm's struggle with narcotics. This shocking exposé omits nothing.

What Every Editor Should Know About Dragonlance This book details the duties of a good Dragonlance editor. Its pages offer many good suggestions for newcomers to the field. Among its finer points are such important lessons as, "No story is so overdone that it can't be retold with a kender and a knight of Solamnia.", "Canon interferes with the flow of a story.", "Spellchecking is unimportant.", "You are the Dungeon Master, and the Authors are your hapless victims." and "When in doubt, suggest the use of Raistlin." Although the book was initially slated for release to the public, it was soon adopted as an in-house bible.

Rat Stew for the Soul From the back cover: "Feel bad in head? Mean tall hit with stick? Lose shiny rock? Take heart! Boil heart in pot. Mmm, yummy heart! Is good book. Is filled with gully stories. Stuff gullies care about: food, shinies, more food. Make gully feel good. Better than lizard cure. Buy book or me hit you!" We think that sums it up nicely.

Dragonlance Underground is owned and operated by Mages of the Plains.
Dragonlance is a registered trademark of Wizards of the Coast, Inc. All contents are copyright of their respective owners. Please refer to our Legal Page.