Spammity Spam Spam!

By Raistlame

Spam is the scum of the earth, the ridiculous piles of email that fill your inbox, threatening to blow up your computer. People who send spam must be incredibly dumb to think their methods of advertising work, as all it seems to do is annoy people. Others must think the majority of the population is dumb beyond belief... what normal person would give out their bank account number to a stranger asking for it in email?

Dragonlance Undeground has sunk to a new low though. If Dragonlance had email, here's what some of the spam might look like.

Subject: Can you handle a Massive Rack? "Want some BIG Horns?" Experience the results you've always wanted with a MASSIVE scientific breakthrough: Our Gnomish-Approved Pill Will Actually Expand, Lengthen And Enlarge Your Minotaur Horns. 100% GUARANTEED! Best of all... There Are NO Agonizing Hanging Weights, NO Tough Exercises, NO Painful And Hard-To-Use Pumps, And There Is NO Dangerous Surgery Involved. WE GUARANTEE GENUINE LASTING RESULTS! NEVERMIND PILLS WILL WORK FOR YOU 100%, OR YOUR NEXT OF KIN GETS 100% OF YOUR MONEY BACK! Subject: Easier and Faster Magic D I D Y O U K N O W ... you can get Magical Spellbooks Online ... with NO TEST REQUIRED! We make it easier and faster than ever to get the spellbooks you need ... Order before 2pm and get your order to your doorstep the next day! No Appointments No Waiting Rooms No Embarassment Discreet Packaging GREAT Prices!! Private and Confidential Go there now! Order Today! Subject: Elf got your tongue? Hi, Do you want to get to know the hottest elves ever? Then check out our new private website. Hundreds of livecams, thousands of high quality pictures and movies are available. Also we have Liveshows, Gnomish Spycams, and Stripshows. You can chat with us in 5 different languages! (Silvanesti, Qualinesti, Kagonesti, Dimernesti and Dargonesti) Visit us: HERE! Bye, Jennilanthalathas   Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE Dear Friend. I am Alga Bonecrusher, wife to the late Chieftien Kracken Bonecrusher from Blode. I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance to transfer our cash of twenty-five Million steel pieces (25,000,000 stp) now in the custody of a private Security trust firm in Neraka. The money is in trunk boxes deposited and declared as precious stones by my late Husband. As a matter of fact the company does not know the content as money, although my husband made them to under stand that the boxes belong to his foreign partner. Source of the money: My late Husband Chieftien Kracken Bonecrusher, a native of Kern, was the General in the ogre army of Blode. According to my Husband, this money was the income accrued from hundreds of successful raiding missions on hapless elves. The war between the ogres and the elves almost destroyed my country, following the forceful removal from power of my father. During the war in my country, and following the indiscriminate looting of Public and Government properties by the elven forces, our home was one of the targets and it was destroyed. My husband and his gang of ogres were attacked and killed by the elven rebels last month because of his reputation for killing elves. As a result of my husbands's death, and with the information we got that the elven rebels are out for us the burden became too much for me to handle coupled with the ill health of my half-ogre daugther. She died in the process as I could not afford her a decent healer. Our only hope now is in you and the boxes deposited in Neraka. To this effect, I humbly solicit your assistance in the followings ways: To assist me claim this boxes from Neraka and to transfer this money in your name to your home. For your assistance, I have agreed with my only surviving son, Bloodknuckles, that 15% of the total amount will be for your effort and another 5% to cover all the expenses that may incur during the business transaction, Lastly, I urge you to keep this transaction strictly confidential as no one knows our whereabouts. I earnestly awaiting your response. Thank You! Alga Bonecrusher Subject: D E P R E S S E D ? 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Subject: I think we match on several levels Hi Gorgeous, I saw your info and thought you might be interested in chatting. I have a couple of nice pics that you can see and also you can message me if you want to chat. Come talk to me here .. Thanks, Mina To never see this again, please poke your eyes out. Subject: We can help you get $D *E *A *D$ and out of $D *E *B *T$ G$T D$AD TODAY FOR FR$$ G E T   O U T    O F    D E B T    T O D A Y STOP CREDITOR HARASSMENT JOIN THE CULT OF CHEMOSH AND ALL YOUR BALANCES WILL BE WIPED CLEAN. NEVER PAY ANOTHER COPPER! FIND OUT HOW OUR CULT CAN KILL YOU, THEREBY ELIMINATING YOUR DEBT AND THEN BRING YOU BACK AS ONE OF THE UNDEAD TO BE WITH YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS ONCE AGAIN! FIND OUT HOW TODAY! **LIMITED TIME OFFER APPLY TODAY** For removal of these mailings please follow this link   Subject: Titan Diet   ULTIMATE TITAN DIET SECRETS!   STOP THROWING AWAY MONEY ON OTHER DIET PRODUCTS!   Ogres are spending billions of steel each year on weight loss and very few are getting any results!  You might even be one of them. Maybe you've tried the Kender Diet or one of the other weight loss  programs out there with little success!   Potions...Herbs...Elixirs...Folk Remedies... 10 lbs in One Week!...40 lbs in one Month!   Sound Familiar?   They are only out for a quick buck...YOUR QUICK BUCK!   Everyone's Body Is Different...You Need A Diet To Fit Your Body   Click Here To Get More Information On the Real Answers To Weight Loss!   Drink Elves Blood To Get Your Dream Body... (Finally!) Before After You are receiving this e-mail as a subscriber to the NerakaBulkEmailFederation.com network. We are committed to respecting your privacy. If you feel you have received this message in error or if you wish to be removed from our mailing list, please click here. If you would like to contact us directly. This message is being sent to you in compliance with the Federal legislation for commercial e-mail (H.R.76-Section 100, Paragraph (e)(1)(a) and Bill s. 1619 Title III. We make every effort to remove your email address at your request. Subject: Be Part Of The "In" Crowd!

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