Ask Uncle Vinny

By Vinny Uth Mancini

Today on Ask Uncle Vinny we have some questions concerning the Dragonlance saga. Now, if you ask me, any Joe who thinks this much about a book needs a bottle of Tequila and a broad. That or a bullet in the head. But I am not here to judge. That's what we bribe jurors for. So lets get this over with.

Wayne writes:

Can you offer any predictions for the third book of War of Souls?
Certainly. I predict the book will be titled Dragons of a Vanished Moon. It will come out next year. It will cost two dollars more than Dragons of a Lost Star which won't stop idiots like you from buying it. After reading it, there will be a massive flame war, in which people that hate it vow to stop reading Dragonlance and people that like it vow to leave the mailing lists because of all the bitterness. No one will actually fulfill their vows. Some idiot will post without spoiler space, and subsequently will be flamed. In other words, nothing will change.

 

Dave writes:

What do you think of the sexual symbolism in the weapons of the Heroes of the Lance?
You're a sick f***, you know that?

 

Talinthas writes:

Don't you think taking over Dragonlance Underground was a bit extreme? They provide a valuable outlet for DL fans.
Nah, extreme would have been forcing them to watch Eve of the Maelstrom - The Musical.

 

Cassandra writes:

I recently heard a new term: Disconnected Dino. What is a disconnected dino?
Oh, that's easy. A Disconnected Dino is a Dino that doesn't pay back the money he owes us. He becomes Disconnected. At the knees.

 

Steve writes:

Every time I write something for Dragonlance, some other writer comes along and messes it up. What can I do?
Dial 1-800-476-THUG. Give them the name of the offending writer. You'll be given an estimate and the account number of a bank in Switzerland. Rent-a-Thug guarantees conflict resolution 48 hours after payment confirmation. I recommend Nunzio.

 

That's all the questions we have time for. Remember that if you are troubled by some conundrum, just ask Uncle Vinny. Email your questions today!

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