quoteArray = new Array();
quoteArray[0] = "\"Know this!...I have cast a spell upon our belongings. Anyone who touches them will be slowly devoured by the great worm, Catyrpelius, who will rise from the Abyss and suck the blood from your veins until you ae nothing more than a dried husk.\"
- Raistlin Majere, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[1] = "\"The cruelest torture one can inflict on a kender is to lock him up. Of course, it is also widely believed that the cruelest form of torture one can inflict on any other species is to lock them up with a kender.\"
- Dragons of Autumn Twilight, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[2] = "\"Arrest the tree! Obstructing sunlight! That's the charge!\"
- Fizban, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[3] = "\"Idiot kender. Running off with a dead old man.\"
- Flint Fireforge, Dragons of Winter Night, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[4] = "\"Don't change the color to match the walls. Look like you belong and the walls will change color to match you.\"
- Kender Proverb, Time of the Twins, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[5] = "\"But Shalafi, there is not much left if you turn down the world.\"
- Dalamar, Time of the Twins, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[6] = "\"Oops,\"
- Tasslehoff Burrfoot, Test of the Twins, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[7] = "\"It eventually boils down to the fact that Raistlin apparently was able to successfully time travel, since my copy of Legends doesn't have Raistlin hiding in Shoikan Grove and shouting at Dalamar, 'Don't look at me! I'm time travelling!\"
- kinthalas, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[8] = "\"Cold, hard steel. That's what I want. No wizard stuff. Bat's eyes.\" The gnome sniffed disdainfully. \"We've got a vault full of them. Once you've ruled out ball bearings, what good are they?\"
- Conundrum, Dragons of a Lost Star, Maragret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[9] = "\"I think I will have the commander to dinner tonight after all. Send for him.\" Soth bowed his acquiescence, the orange eyes flaming with amusement. \"We have many military matters to discuss.\" Kitiara laughed again, starting to unbuckle the straps of her armor. \"Matters of unguarded flanks, breaching walls, thrust, and penetration...\"
- Test of the Twins, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[10] = "\"Here's to trying... Rhymes with dying.\"
- Sir Markham, Test of the Twins, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[11] = "\"A chap who can point at you and say 'die' has the distinct advantage.\"
- Sir Markham, Test of the Twins";
quoteArray[12] = "\"You go way,\" the gully dwarf said in deep, sepulchral tones. \"Me dead.\"
- Test of the Twins, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[13] = "\"A chicken with its neck wrung is different from a chicken with its head cut off, but does it matter to the chicken?\"
- Tasslehoff Burrfoot, as quoted by Palin Majere, \"The Legacy?\", by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[14] = "\"Barfing not bad,\" the gully dwarf argued, brightening. \"If meal was good going down, it be just as good coming back up.\"
- Dragons of Summer Flame, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[15] = "\"There is no such thing as disaster -- merely opportunity.\"
- Gnomish Proverb, Dragons of Summer Flame, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[16] = "\"I made love to a beautiful woman and I didn't know it. Just my luck.\"
- Raistlin, Dragons of Summer Flame, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[17] = "\"Zeboim's twenty teats!\"
- Captain Tuller, Spirit of the Wind, by Chris Pierson";
quoteArray[18] = "\"You know, Sir Gerard, this ruse might work better if you weren't wearing your tunic backside-front.\"
- Lady Odila, Dragons of a Lost Star, Maragret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[19] = "Winged kender? Caramon thought. Merciful vanished gods, please let this be a nightmare.
- Dezra's Quest, by Chris Pierson";
quoteArray[20] = "Despite the arrows, he couldn't take the winged folk seriously. It was like being waylaid by squirrels.
- Dezra's Quest, by Chris Pierson";
quoteArray[21] = "\"I told ye, lad, when we brought the lot o' them here - make like ye mean to fly up someone's nose, and ye'll get smashed.\"
- Guithern, Dezra's Quest, by Chris Pierson";
quoteArray[22] = "\"That had better be Grimbough, because if it isn't, I don't want to see the real thing.\"
- Borlos, Dezra's Quest, by Chris Pierson";
quoteArray[23] = "\"Need I be more plain and say, in the vernacular, that your arse is broken?\"
- Lucretius, Siege of Mt Nevermind, by Fergus Ryan";
quoteArray[24] = "How, if the Song of Huma was translated into Gnomish, you could come up with an anagram for the gully dwarf phrase, Huma is a cheese.
- Siege of Mt Nevermind, by Fergus Ryan";
quoteArray[25] = "\"Gnome magic is an unsupported rumour, Like dwarven manners or Solamnic humour.\"
- Lucretius, Siege of Mt Nevermind, by Fergus Ryan";
quoteArray[26] = "\"By the great sweaty ass of Reorx!\"
- Innova, Siege of Mt Nevermind, by Fergus Ryan";
quoteArray[27] = "\"I swear that the gods made elven women the way they did to torment young men.\"
- Sir Gavin, Odyssey of Gilthanas, by Steve Miller and Others";
quoteArray[28] = "\"Okay, now I have a vision of Caramon with a rabbit tattoo on each butt cheek, going: \'Look Raist! Bunnies!\'\"
- Altarielle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[29] = "Huma never said, \"Go away you bad goddess. And don't come back unless somebody happens to shoot a temple into the Abyss.\"
- kinthalas, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[30] = "An author can't just write: \"The heroes screwed up there courage and entered the haunted remains of Dargaard Keep....Oh, and BTW, there was a hurricane in Ergoth at the same time.\"
- wulfgang, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[31] = "I have a favorite saying I once read in a Dragon mag: Anti-Paladins don't have to go squishing butterflies all the time.
- Larris, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[32] = "When I first read about Steel, my first reaction was -- Kit and Sturm did what?!! Did I blink and miss something? And given Sturm's bouts with melancholia, why didn't his moustaches fall off every time he looked at Tanis in Chronicles?
- Altarielle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[33] = "\"Live in Greyhawk once, but leave before the Doomgrinder crushes it. Live in Istar once, but leave before the flaming mountain smacks it.\"
- Elminster to this year's graduating class of Bargle's Academy of Magic";
quoteArray[34] = "I'd prefer Sturm Brightblade brand pantyhose. No matter what you throw at them, they're guaranteed not to run ;-)
- Altarielle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[35] = "\"Loook Rayeest! Bahnees!\"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger as Caramon in the DL movie";
quoteArray[36] = "Remember, it's far easier to get the kender into the pot, than keeping him there when the water starts boiling.
- Rohan, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[37] = "I'm my own worst critic, next to Rohan Tolstrup.
- Margaret Weis, Ecomcon 2000";
quoteArray[38] = "Threads on afdl are like toddlers -- if you don't keep an eye on them they wander off in unpredictable directions.
- Altarielle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[39] = "It's all part of my plan to take over the world. Except that this would be a seriously bad plan to take over the world.
- kinthalas, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[40] = "\"If you are going through writers block, how do you get through it?\"
\"I throw fits in the newsgroups.\"
- Steve Miller, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[41] = "Kender Solamnic Knight. (\"Est Sularus oth Stealus: My Honor is someone else's, he dropped it and I'm keeping it for him\")
- Syvwranth, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[42] = "While most people think herd animals are harmless, remember that strength lies in numbers. On the other hand, the bards will never sing of an adventurer who meets his end at the hooves of a stampeding herd of sheep.
- The Bestiary, by Steve (Stan!) Brown";
quoteArray[43] = "Caramon thrusts his sword into the bozak. And the draconian's body dissolved instantly in a horrible yellow pool. WHERE'S THE KABOOM?! THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BOZAK-SHATTERING KABOOM! Bahhhh.
- Granak Red-Silver, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[44] = "If you've got white skin, dark hair, you live in a tower, and you can strip down to nothing but your underwear in less than five seconds, you're Dalamar.
- Michelle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[45] = "Solamnic bedwarmer? Kitiara.
- Altarielle, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[46] = "Raistlin had replied that the kender should be thankful someone had invented sleep for that meant that Tasslehoff was quiet and comatose for eight hours out of a day and this was the sole reason that Raistlin had not yet strangled him.
- Dragons of a Fallen Sun, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[47] = "\"I won't travel with someone who looks as if he had been in a fight with a Maypole and lost. A blind gully dwarf could see you from six miles off.\"
- Gerard, Dragons of a Fallen Sun, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[48] = "\"There is no greater fan of Opera than I! Opera is insightful! Opera explores the human condition! Opera's weight has fluctuated from time to time, but I think that is all part of the fun of watching her. Opera is a powerful force in media. I never miss a show even if the subject is \'My dwarven lover hates that I'm an Elf, on the next Opera!\' Opera may be an acquired taste (just like chicken) but I'll be her fan so long as her ratings are still good.\"
- Fizban the Fabulous";
quoteArray[49] = "He was a battle-trained horse, but he was used to screams and shouts and blood and clashing swords. He could not be expected to put up with exploding books. Or if he was, he deserved something a damn sight better than mashed apple.
- Brothers in Arms, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[50] = "Here was Medan, crouched in a bush, safely ensconced behind a large tree stump, taking potshots at a washed-up mage and a kender. \"Can I sink any lower?\" he muttered to himself.
- Dragons of a Fallen Sun, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[51] = "\"My gods!\" Palin gasped, \"what have I done?\"
\"Scared the oatmeal out of him, unless I'm much mistaken,\" Jenna returned.
- Dragons of a Fallen Sun, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[52] = "\"Well, take me out of the fire and hammer me!\"
- Thurgood, \"The Deep, Deep, Dark, Dark Place,\" by Kevin James Kage";
quoteArray[53] = "At this point I had an image of the little green aliens from Toy Story going \"Worship the Module. Ooooahhhh....\"
- Daniel Janssen, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[54] = "I have no patience for goobers who revel in their ignorance.
- Steve Miller, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[55] = "Oh, and as for hostility... you haven't *seen* hostility yet, my friend. What you've seen is irritation.
- Steve Miller, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[56] = "Okay. I don't have time for inarticulate idiots. Next?
- Steve Miller, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[57] = "On the cover of BiA, Kitiara's wearing of all things a chainmail blouse. Could somebody PLEASE tell Daniel Horne that being able to see a woman's cleavage means you can stick a sword there?
- Rohan Tolstrup, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[58] = "Raistlin is NOT a woman.
- Tracy Hickman, The www.trhickman.com FAQ";
quoteArray[59] = "\"I don't think it's very fair to claim that Rohan is on a 'crusade' against W&H... he's on a crusade against damn near everybody :)\"
- Craig J. Ries";
quoteArray[60] = "\"Trouble?\" howled Toade. \"Istar finding itself the bull's-eye for a cosmic game of darts is trouble. Waking up to find a medusa in your bed is trouble! Toade is back, and more dangerous than ever! That is not trouble, that spells disaster!\"
- Lord Toade, by Jeff Grubb";
quoteArray[61] = "Palin wondered what Lady Camilla would say if she knew that the reason the dragons were attacking in the first place was to try to steal the \"gewgaw.\"
- Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[62] = "\"Nothing's sneaking up behind us. Our rears are safe.\"
- Tasslehoff, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[63] = "Kender go so far to state that we would, all of us, be congregated at the north end of the world if we let our blood have its way. We fight a constant battle with our blood, otherwise we would all collect at the top of the world, thereby causing it to tip over.
- Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[64] = "\"It must be very dull, to have only one god. Unless, of course, it was Fizban, but then there probably wouldn't be any world, because he'd keep misplacing it, just like he misplaces his hat.\"
- Tasslehoff, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[65] = "\"I have no use for a sword that suddenly starts to sing an elven ditty in the midst of battle or one that transforms both me and it into a matched pair of serpents.\"
- Marshall Medan on the sword \"Lost Star\", Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[66] = "\"Nothing personal, Lady Odila,\" he said.
\"Ah, me,\" she returned with a gushy sigh. \"And here I was going to go choose my wedding dress.\"
- Gerard to Lady Odila, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[67] = "\"What good is your honor going to do you when you're dead? What good will it do anyone? I'll tell you what, Sir Gerard, they'll make a song for you. Some damn stupid song they'll sing in the taverns, and all the fat shopkeepers will get misty-eyed and slobber in their beer about the brave Knight who fought odds of six hundred to one.\"
- Lady Odila to Gerard, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[68] = "\"You know, Sir Gerard, this ruse might work better if you weren't wearing your tunic backside-front.\"
- Lady Odila, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[69] = "\"Cold, hard steel. That's what I want. No wizard stuff. Bat's eyes.\" The gnome sniffed disdainfully. \"We've got a vault full of them. Once you've ruled out ball bearings, what good are they?\"
- Conundrum, Dragons of a Lost Star, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[70] = "It eventually boils down to the fact that Raistlin apparently was able to successfully time travel, since my copy of Legends doesn't have Raistlin hiding in Shoikan Grove and shouting at Dalamar, \"Don't look at me! I'm time travelling!\"
- kinthalas, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[71] = "soth was doing nothing in krynn. he sat around moping for 300 years, showed up for the war in palanthus, shot his load, then did nothing else again.
- Cassandra, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[72] = "Even the honored and much respected Commander Kang, who seemed like a god to the girls, treated them as if they'd just been newly hatched and still had eggshell stuck to their bottoms.
- Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[73] = "\"I'd almost let you kill me just so I'd blow up in your ugly yellow face.\"
- Kang to hobgoblin leader, Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[74] = "Where before he had seen a thousand hobgoblin faces slavering for his blood, now all he could see were a few hundred hobgoblin backsides.
- Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[75] = "\"But, no, I don't... er... like her that way. She's human. She's squishy and lumpy.\"
- Kang to the draconian girls, Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[76] = "\"I'll be damned. I've been around men who were dumb about women, but you boys beat anything.\"
- Huzzad to Kang, Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[77] = "\"I'm beginning to think he doesn't have a plan, except some vague notion that draconians are going to drop out of the skies to save us.\"
\"And if they're as bright as this last lot, then they'll fall out of the skies and land on their heads.\"
- Kang and Slith, Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[78] = "\"He was lying on the ground cussing up a storm and shouting for someone to help him pull that toothpick out of him.\"
- Slith on Granak getting hit by a javelin, Draconian Measures, by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin";
quoteArray[79] = "\"How do you and Margaret write books together?\"
\"I write adjectives.\"
- Tracy Hickman, GenCon 2001";
quoteArray[80] = "\"Turn me into nothing, will you? Well you can take your nothingness and put it where the sun don't shine\"
-Tas, Dragons of Summer Flame, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[81] = ">Fizban: The Swedish Chef. The 'chef tosses popcorn like Fizban tosses fireballs. They also use the same chili recipe.
Tas: Fizban, you're back!
Fiz: Smorgen borgen!!! (BLAMMO!)
- Shane (Staxx), alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[82] = "She crossed her arms and glared at Lord Bight. \"So how do you call a dragon who is probably miles away and busy making more swamp?\"
- Linsha, Clandestine Circle, by Mary Herbert";
quoteArray[83] = "\"This recruit is still learning the rules. Make sure she knows the regulations for sentry duty backward and forward.\"
\"Asleep fall not do,\" Linsha responded promptly.
- Clandestine Circle, by Mary Herbert";
quoteArray[84] = "\"I was in the hayloft giving the cat a midnight snack when out of nowhere this hysterical owl dropped like a missile into the hay and started screeching something about helping you. Well, the cat ran like a fiend, and I nearly bolted up the rafters. I've never had an owl yell at me.\"
- Shanron to Linsha, on Varia, the talking owl, Clandestine Circle, by Mary Herbert";
quoteArray[85] = ">No, he was *clearly* dead. The feathers were \"Fizban's\" version of valkyries transporting the fallen heroes to the heavens.
It was either that, or write a detailed description of Tas's squished,roadkill-resembling body when Chaos lifted his foot.
- nineveh, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[86] = "\"Could you hide in the clouds?\"
\"I can, though my presence in clouds often precipitates a thunderstorm.\"
Amero regarded him blankly. \"I cause it to rain,\" Duranix said more plainly.
- Children of the Plains, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[87] = "\"What am I going to do with a herd of humans? One makes an interesting pet, but twenty are an infestation.\"
- Duranix on adopting humans, Children of the Plains, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[88] = "\"Pressure built inside me - I thought I was going to burst!\" Duranix sniffed at the shreds of his human shell lying on the floor. \"It appears that I did.\"
- Duranix on being trapped in human form, Children of the Plains, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[89] = "\"What do you think, Duranix?\"
The dragon glanced from Niaki to Amero and back to Nianki again. \"I think humans make terrible pets,\" he said.
- Children of the Plains, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[90] = "\"Let go, Amero. This is no place for pets.\"
\"I'm not a pet!\" was the young man's angry reply as he clung to the muscular tail.
\"It's no place for a friend, either.\"
- Duranix and Amero, Children of the Plains, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[91] = "Heck, I'm still trying to rectify that the Monstrus Conpendium talk about Auraks' diet consisting of pearls. WHERE THE HECK ARE AURAKS GONNA FIND A BUNCH OF PEARLS TO SNACK ON.
- Weldon, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[92] = "Near the bottom of the pit a gray, oblong object lay embedded in the black mud. It looked like a block of limestone, but Harak, who'd made the discovery, said the so-called stone was in fact the top of Ungrah-de's head. The combined weight of two dragons had driven him into the ground like a tent peg.
- Sister of the Sword, by Paul Thompson and Tonya Cook";
quoteArray[93] = "\"Wha' happen?\" several voices echoed one another.\"Cave all turnippy,\" someone said. \"Burp us out.\"
- gully dwarves, \"Ogre Unaware\", by Dan Parkinson";
quoteArray[94] = "\"This intoler... outra... unforgiv... this stink!\"
- Highbulp Gorge III, \"Ogre Unaware\", by Dan Parkinson";
quoteArray[95] = "A sword is clearly more lethal, but on short notice (or if you just want to clonk somebody, not hack them), a belaying pin is useful.
- Paul Thompson, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[96] = "What will Palin and I do if Razor decides to shift his allegiance? Mirror wondered. A blind dragon and a dead wizard out to defeat a goddess. Well, if nothing else, maybe Takhisis will get a bellyache from laughing.
- Mirror, Dragons of a Vanished Moon, by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman";
quoteArray[97] = "\"At first we thought the Knights sweep in, kick the Dark Knights out of here, and save the day.\" He made a rude noise. \"All they want to do is sit on their armored backsides and 'study the situation.' Lord Bight must be ready to burst a blood vessel.\"
- Dragon's Bluff, by Mary Herbert";
quoteArray[98] = "Dragons can remember every item of their hoards down to the last coin, and Fyremantle was no exception. He was so angry he sputtered sparks.- Dragon's Bluff, by Mary Herbert";
quoteArray[99] = "WotC's definition of \"edgy\" and \"mature\" doesn't extend far beyond blood and boobies.- Steve Miller, alt.fan.dragonlance";
quoteArray[100] = "Pat Mcgilligan, the editor, went to Jeff Grubb and said, \"Could you write a book about Lord Toede?\"
Jeff said, \"You do realize he's dead?\"
\"Will that be a problem?\" Pat asked.";
function generateQuote ( )
{
index = Math.floor (Math.random() * quoteArray.length);
return quoteArray[index];
}