The Inconsistency Fixer
The Journal of Gushinastifarialwayshanginghimselfupineverylittledetailhereads....
For inclusion in the library of the Canon Guild
9 Deepkolt, 33 SCMy Life Quest, which is to create a perfect canon for all the stories of this world of Krynn, have taken an important step towards completion as I aquired a "truth serum" my kender friend was given by Jenna (so he swears) in her cozy little shop in Palanthas. This serum finally allows me to build and perfect the machine that my father and grandfather never finished: TheInconsistencyFixerwhereyouputthebookinoneend.. [edited for space, from now on called The Inconsistency Fixer].
17 Fleurgreen, 33 SC
I have completed The Inconsistency Fixer. You put the book into one opening, and it goes through several tubes where there are candles providing light so that sensors along the tubes can read the book. The information is passed from the sensors to the truth serum through tiny tubes called "nitpickers". The truth serum analyzes the info, then sends a message to the ink bottle and horn, which write down and speak out loudly the inconsistencies found in the book. We still have to perfect the machine, we have some problems with several books having burned when exposed to the candles, and the machine keeps saying "itsalljustfictiongetoverititsalljustfictiongetoverit" whenever we put in a book with the Dragonlance logo on it.
25 Fleurgreen, 33 SC
The machine has been perfected. We recently tested it by putting in a tome called "Dragonlance Chronicles Collector's Edition" and it came out "solinarireddrowkaganestiariakasamage". We then tried "Dragonlance Legends Collector's Edition" and the result was "garnethammerofkharasdewar256merillon". "Dragonlance Adventures" gave "chaoshighgodhumavinassolamnus-balifredrobeevocation". The machine seems to be working satisfactory.
2 Holmswelt, 33 SC
The manual with all the instructions and drawings we used to build The Inconsistency Fixer fell into the machine. The manual caught fire, and half of it was declared non-canon. It seems this machine needs some more adjustments after all.
13 Holmswelt, 33 SC
After doing some fixing, the real tests were about to begin. We gave the Fixer Darkness and Light, and it came out "sturmandkitaramoontripdragononmoonbeforewarofthelancegnomesbuildingthingsthatworked". I took the claim that gnomes building things that worked being non-canon as a personal insult, giving me even more doubt about the reliability of the machine. Riverwind the Plainsman came out "undergroundelves", Brothers Majere "demigodscaramonandraistlinsavingtheworld", Tanis the Shadow Years "afterdeathhumasilverdragon" and The Companions made the machine shake, with red lights flashing as it repeated "bloodseatripbloodseatripbloodseatrip" for an hour until I couldn't stand the repetition anymore and hit the machine with a dittendolter. It now needs some repairs.
25 Holmswelt, 33 SC
My life is in ruins. My Life Quest has failed. The catastrophe happened today. We had just finished fixing the Fixer after the trouble with The Companions, and we did the mistake of putting "The World Book of Ansalon" from "Tales of the Lance" into the machine. "Tales of the Lance" is a work from the Theoretical Science Research (TSR) Guild of gnomes. As soon as the book was put in the machine it started to shake. Then the words sounded from it in a fierce tempo:
"chaoshighgodgodsofmagicsmithsgraygemscionsbakalionansalonking
priestnotaclerickenderfromelvesgnomesnotcursedhumanshumanances
torsgullydwarvesstormogrestakhisisininfernalrealmsninehellsgun
tharapaladinseadragonamphidragon
WARNINGOVERLOADWARNINGOVERLOAD
WARNINGOVERLOADWARN..."The machine shook and sprayed ink and truth serum everywhere, red lights flashing. Then it exploded into millions of pieces, killing four of my assistants. With the manual gone (and with no truth serum left), I tragically see no other way than to give up my Life Quest.
23 Frostkolt, 33 SC
No gnome should give up his Life Quest, and some days after the destruction of The Inconsistency Fixer I was again eagerly working on building a new one, working from the memory I had of the manual that was destroyed. There was no truth serum available, though (my kender friend disappeared without a trace when he went to Jenna's shop to make her give him some more), but I had heard that large amounts of cheese had a similar effect so I went to the market at Gunthar and bought all the goat cheese they had there, I also bought a mule so that I could get all the cheese into Mt. Nevermind. With the new ingredient I decided to call it "The Cheese Fixer", and it detects cheese in stories rather than inconsistencies. Things seemed to be going well upon completion of the new and improved Fixer two days ago. However, my one surviving assistant did a terrible mistake. He put the books "Dragons of Summer Flame" and "The Eve of the Maelstrom" into the machine both at the same time! Needless to say, the explosion was twice as devastating as when Tales of the Lance had caused the first Fixer to explode, and my assistant died instantly. Mt. Nevermind still reeks of cheese two days later; Pyrothraxus has covered the mountainside wih barf twice today, just after we finished cleaning up after the fits he had yesterday. Even though The Cheese Fixer exploded, the manuals are still intact (and readable as soon as I clean off the cheese), and have adjusted my Life Quest slightly so that now my goal is to rid the stories told of this world of cheese instead of inconsistencies. That can't be too difficult a Life Quest, now can it?
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