Dave Barry: Foreword to Dragonlance as Written by...
You're probably mistaking me for someone else. I am not the Dave Barry that writes award-winning commentary about life, real or otherwise. No, I am Lawrence David Barry, public accountant. My parents named me after their favorite actor, which makes me very pleased that they didn't like Mo or Curly better. To avoid the embarrassment of introducing myself as Larry Barry, I adopted "Dave" somewhere in the early '80's. The confusion has ensued to this day.
Now, you are no doubt thinking, "Why, if you aren't the Dave Barry, are you writing this Foreword?" You might also be wondering, "Were you affiliated with TSR during the making of Dragonlance?" Some of you might even be wondering, "Do you write in the nude?" All of these are sensible questions. They deserve intelligent answers. When I think of some, I'll let you know.
Dragonlance is a saga that millions have read and adored. It's filled with the stuff of legends: epic struggles between good and evil, true love, courage, honor, and dead lizards. Of course, I don't actually read fantasy, but my kids tell me it's pretty good.
Most Dragonlance fans know that Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman wrote the books that put this series on the New York Times Bestseller list. Most of the diehards can tell you that they were not the first to try their hands at the series. TSR tossed it to some big literary names first. Often, it was tossed back with great force. Hurled might be a better word.
A few authors took the plunge. None of them made the cut. TSR is tight-lipped about the names of these authors, as rejection by a Lake Geneva-based game company might be bad for their reputations, and no one wants to anger a famous author. The public never learned the identities of these mystery authors, but recently, several manuscripts have surfaced that could be the original drafts of the first Dragonlance novels.
We may never conclusively prove these manuscripts are truly the original Dragonlance novelizations. Because of this, I'm telling you that they are real. Absolutely and withoot a doubt. It worked for the Bible, so why not?
Finally, I must address a point that astute observers will undoubtedly make: some of these authors were dead long before TSR was created, much less Dragonlance itself. Let me be the first to tell you. They are still alive. All of them. I am not making this up. The publishing industry wants you to believe they are dead, because if they aren't, they're owed massive royalties on all those classic reprints.
They are kept in a secret compound forty miles south of Denver where they spend their lives writing meaningless greeting cards and watching bad movie remakes of their classic stories. I have been there: I do their taxes.
Writing really does make you immortal, folks. If the world only knew.
Dave Barry
November, 2000
Castle Rock, Colorado
PS: The answers to your intelligent questions, in no particular order, are "No." "The Count of Monte Cristo," and "Venice Beach, California." I hope this clears up any confusion.
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