A Gnome Joke
"Ahem!!! Colleages!! Please come to order for the joke!"
"There was once this cow..."
"Excuse me, esteemed joke-weaver! I do not believe that we have a
quorum for the joke to be told!"
"Excuse me, esteemed joke-interrupter! The proper phrasing is
'joke-spinner,' not 'joke-weaver.'"
"I, unfortunately, must disagree. Do we have a quorum for a vote on
the correct phrasing?"
"Yes...it does appear so."
"All in favor of 'joke-weaver'?"
"Ok..."
"All in favor of 'joke-spinner'?"
"Ok... It apeears that 'joke-spinner' is the proper phrase, by a vote of
1303 to 885, with 14 abstaining."
"Very well. Excuse me, esteemed /joke-spinner/! I still do not
believe that we have a quorum for the joke to be told."
"But we just counted! 2202 total colleagues in attendance. The rules
of order state that at least 3 gnomes most be in attendance for a joke
to be told. We certainly have a quorum for the joke."
"Fine. I hereby remove my objection to the telling of the joke by
the joke-weaver..."
"joke-spinner"
"yes, yes, joke-spinner."
"Ok...so there was once this cow, and one day his owner said, 'This
cow is not efficient enough. I need to completely redesign it, to
eliminate the flaws, and to add some redundancy to ensure continual
operation.'"
"Excuse me, esteemed, /joke-weaver/"
"joke-spinner"
"whatever. I object to the appearance of a 'cow' in this joke.
Cows are unnatural creatures, and have no purpose in a joke told to an
audience who is not ready for the hearing of such topics. We might
offend our more sensitive collegues."
"Very well. All in favor of the removal of the cow from the joke?"
"Do we have a quorum?"
"We had a quorum last time! Why should that have changed?"
"You never know..."
"Very well. Colleages, please confirm that the persons to your right
and your left are in the same place as they were last time we took a
quorum. We will continue, assuming silence, with the conclusion of a
quorum."
"Um...the colleage to my left has dropped his hat. Does that
count for anything?"
"No, colleage. Hats and such are not counted in the taking of a quorum,
so the removal of said hat does not affect our quorum."
"Ok...thanks."
"I move that hats be counted during the taking of a quorum in the
future."
"Why?"
"How do we know that the hats aren't secretly controlling one of our
colleages?"
"Very well. All in favor of counting hats in the taking of quorum in
the future?"
"Ok....all against?"
"Ok...it appears that we have 1562 in favor of counting hats for issues
of quorum, 214 against, and 391 abstaining. Hey! Have we lost people?"
"Can we count boots, too?"
"My dear colleague! Please, let's try not to be silly here. This
is a serious matter."
"I thought it was a joke."
"Where are we? Oh yes...all in favor of the removal of the cow from the
joke?"
"Ok...all against?"
"I'm sorry, esteemed joke-teller"
"joke-weaver"
"joke-spinner"
"yes, of course, but it still seems that the cow must go. The vote is
1243 against the cow, 900 even for the cow, and 59 abstaining from the
procedings on the cow. Wait a minute? That was our original number!
What's going on here?"
"Can I continue?"
"Yes...but without the cow please."
"Fine...so this colleage had a c...chicken. And he wanted to redesign
it to make it more efficient. So he started by thinking about how to
get more milk from the c..chicken."
"You can't get milk from a chicken!"
"It wasn't supposed to be a chicken, colleage! It's a cow, but
you wouldn't let it just be a cow."
"Cows are offensive!"
"Please colleages! Let us just say 'creature,' and then each colleage
can decide for him- or her-self"
"What about those being controlled by hats?"
"...or it-self..."
"Do hat's have a gender?"
"Of course not. There's only one type. Now, boots, of course,
do."
"How obvious. Thank you colleage."
"...what type of creature the colleage in the story is redesigning."
"Can I start again?"
"Yes, but please remember: 'creature."
"So he started redesigning the creature to add the redundancy
necessary to increase the potential for
colleage-destined-non-fatal-sustanance. After he had installed a
tri-phase Nanker valve in the creature, he was able to increase the
colleage-destined-non-fatal-sustanance.
"His neighbor colleage visited the next day, and asked him what he had
been working on. Our hero colleage showed the secondary colleage the
creature and the subsequant modifications to such. The secondary
colleage was much impresed, and went for a closer look. When he touched
the creature, it suddenly flew up into the sky, quickly becoming
invisible, even to the recently developed applications of glass sections
in coaxial systems. The secondary colleage apologized, and noted the
problems with working with such archaic systems in the first place.
"The hero colleage then said, 'you're right, good sir, but at least
it's not as bad as my pig."
"Sir, if we have disallowed the 'cow,' we must, of course, disallow
the 'pig.'"
"It does stand to reason colleage. Please replace your 'pig' with
'beast.'"
"'at least it's not as bad as my 'beast.' The hero colleage then
pointed to his lower life habitat, which was strained to bulging
attempting to contain the giant beast inside."
A pause.
"I fail to see why that is funny. Did he trap the beast inside
the barn?"
"No colleage, his modifications to the beast caused it to grow to
giant size, damaging his lower life habitat."
"So the beast wasn't a natural giant?"
"No."
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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