Y'know guys... It really is a good thing I'm a Kender...
Only a Kender can take a beating like mine, put some peroxide on the open gouges (OUCH! That BURNS!) and throw another fastball that is....

Tavin's Nugget of Joy 12-03-99

By Tavin Springfingers

A special treat for all you crazy kids out there! Back by the popular demand of..... myself..... is the Tavin's Exclusive Interviews Series! Starting off in the true nutball Tavin spirit is...

Tavin's Exclusive Interview With Caramon Majere!

Tavin:	*Ahem* This is Tavin Springfingers, Krynn's Premier Investigative Reporter at the Inn of The Last Home, and I'm about to get an exclusive with Caramon Majere, Hero of the Lance!
	*Tavin walks up to bar and climbs onto a barstool*
Tavin:	Excuse me sir...
Caramon:	Be with you in a second...
Tavin:	.... Sir?
Caramon:	Yeah, what can I do for you?
Tavin:	Could I interview you for a news story on the Times and Lives of a Hero of the Lance?
Caramon:	Times and Lives...... oh Gods......... you won't leave until I do.... will you...
Tavin:	Not a Chance!
Caramon:	Well, then go right ahead. But mind you, keep it short, I do still have a business to run.
Tavin:	Thank You! Okay, to begin with.... What is your current occupation?
Caramon:	I run the Inn of The Last Home, a wonderful and homely establishment that is considered a great tradition among the people in Solace.
Tavin:	A fine place it is indeed, and tell me Caramon, do you prefer this life to that of a travelling warrior. The profession of your youth?
Caramon:	OF MY YOUTH?
Tavin:	Uhmmm..... I mean your prior profession...
Caramon:	*laughs* Ha. Just giving you a scare. Well, I do sort of miss the old glory days, fighting off draconians and goblins and ogres and what not, Fighting vicious monsters back to back with the likes of Sturm Brightblade and Tanis Half-Elven... but I've got a family now, loved ones that need me. Plus these poor old bones just aren't up to par with what they used to do.
Tavin:	But you have no regrets?
Caramon:	About quitting the adventuring life? None. I have a beautiful wife and a wonderful group of young 'uns about. They are all the adventure I need.
Tavin:	I'm sure your children must bring home many fascinating tales of their adventures!
Caramon:	Do they ever! Why last time Palin dropped by he told me of his exploits with a band led tentatively by a Rogue Knight of Takhisis! Dhamon I think he said the name was....... I really am sorry I can't relate the rest of the story.... but just as Caramon started, I spotted the most peculiar blue and green speckled beetle I had ever seen. Knowing that I had to have discovered a new species.... possibly evolved from millions of generations after being irradiated by the Greygem perhaps.... I knew I had to catch it. Caramon didn't even notice that I was leaving, he seemed so intent on his story. I hated to spoil something which he was obviously enjoying, so I left him to it and chased after the beetle (which was much faster and more agile than a normal beetle... because of exposure to the Greygem no doubt!) Finally, after nearly forty minutes of high paced pursuit, I caught the bug and cataloged it in my notes for my upcoming book, Bugs of Ansalon. Fortunately, Caramon was just finishing his story upon my return.
Caramon:	............ and so Malystryx's plans of becoming a goddess were finally foiled!
Tavin:	Incredible! Now, can I ask you about the Heroes themselves?
Caramon:	Sure. But it is closing time you know...
Tavin:	Okay.... Let's start with Sturm Brightblade. It has been said that his family sword, the Brightblade could never be broken by evil. Is this true?
Caramon:	I guess so... Sturm always took good care of his sword...
Tavin:	And how do you feel about his tryst with your sister, the departed Kitiara???
Caramon:	Half sister. I was disappointed in Kit... she....
Tavin:	What about Tanis Half-Elven? Is it true that Steel Brightblade, son of Sturm who was a good friend of Tanis, let him die without attempting to aid him?
Caramon:	Now wait a minute!
Tavin:	What are Tika's measurements? Inquiring minds wanna know!!
Caramon:	Now that's enough...
Tavin:	And on that subject... You married Tika right after the war didn't you? That would have made her... what? Sixteen? Seventeen? A MINOR!
Caramon:	Now WAIT ONE MINUTE!
Tavin:	And your brother Raistlin! What about the rumor that his death was staged as a publicity act?? HUH? HUH?? At this, Caramon let out a most frightening roar. For a minute I thought that I would have to make a hasty retreat, but he took a deep breath and the composure returned to him. Obviously, I had brought up a sensitive subject.
Tavin:	I'm sorry.......
Caramon:	....................... It's okay. It's just late... Say, I know. How would you like to see Raist's room? The prospect of seeing the Infamous Mages room was to good to pass up!
Tavin:	Really???
Caramon:	Sure... right this way. I was led out of the Inn and around to the side, a smaller building off of the main establishment which looked about big enough to accommodate one.
Tavin:	Wow!
Caramon:	Raist would use this when he'd come by. He liked his privacy so he used this attachment so he could come and go as he pleased. Upon opening the door, many glistening objects appeared! It was too much to bear! I ran into the the room and stared in awe.
Tavin:	Wow! All this bright metal! Suddenly I found myself quite curious about this room
Tavin:	Hey Caramon? Why would Rastlin keep a shovel and a pickaxe in his room.... and ten bags of fertilizer? *Click*
Tavin:	Caramon? I tried to ask him, but he had already left! On top of that, the door seemed to be jammed shut. It just didn't want to open!

THE END

I hope you enjoyed this exclusive, and I look forward to doing even more exclusives, which reminds me... If you have someone you would like to see get interviewed, let me know! It could be fun!

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