Tavin's Nugget of Joy 1-21-01
Welcome boys and girls! Today we have a special Nugget of Joy for you... one that many of you have asked about for a while now! Tavin Springfingers, on his journeys abroad, found this amazing Ergothian hunter by the name of Scamar Tist! Mr. Tist was more than happy to bring us today the very last remaining Goatsucker bird in existence!!! Please welcome Mr. Scamar Tist!
| Scamar: | Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! Yes, yes. While it was dangerous, I succeded in capturing the last emaining of the ever-elusive birds... The legendary Goatsucker!
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| Tavin: | That is simply astounding!! Please, Mr. Tist, would you regale us with the highlights of your adventure?
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| Scamar: | Certainly. Well, it was deep in the jungles of Belmaar, nearly one hundred degrees, and I was sweating like a Renegade at the Tower of High Sorcery...
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| Tavin: | Wow! Tell me, where is the Jungle of Belmaar? I've never been there!
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| Scamar: | It's near... it's over by.. uhm.. don't worry about it. Don't interrupt! I'll lose my train of thought!
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| Tavin: | Oh! Sorry!
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| Scamar: | Anyhow, I had heard the birds call, and was tracking the elusive thing down, when I stepped right into a patch of strangleweed!
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| Tavin: | Oh my God! What did you do, Scamar?
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| Scamar: | Well, I thought I was done for. Luckily I had my Legionnaire Pocket Knife with me, and I whipped out a longblade and sliced my way through! Yes, the Legionnaire Pocket Knife, built like the Legion of Steel with a tool for every occasion, saved my life! You can get one too, from SolomniaTech!
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| Tavin: | ........... uhm... uh huh.
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| Scamar: | Then I spotted the beast! I had my net at the ready, and was preparing to pounce, when suddenly... Pow! I was face to face with Gungalawa, the god of Goatsucker birds! I was desperate! I was certain that there was no escape!
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| Tavin: | Hey, wait a minute... there is no god of goat suck...
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| Scamar: | HEY! WHO'S TELLING THIS STORY?? Anyhow, I didn't know what to do. Fortunately, just days earlier, I had purchased my own spray can of God-Be-Gone, the awesome new advance in God Prevention and Removal from the folks at SolomniaTech, and with a quick spray I was home free!
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| Tavin: | This is ridiculous.....
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| Scamar: | And with my patented Kitiara's Love Escape-proof Ensnaring Net from SolomniaTech, I was able to finally capture the evasive bird!
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| Tavin: | That's great... but I'm getting bored. Can we see the Goatsucker bird now?
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| Scamar: | Of course! Bring in the bird! *On the set is rolled a large cage*
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| Scamar: | I give you the last remaining goatsucker bird!
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| Tavin: | That's... that's it. It's kind of big, isn't it?
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| Scamar: | It's a Giant Goatsucker bird.
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| Tavin: | It's green too. and it has arms and claws, and jutting teeth, and well... it kinda looks like a Goblin.
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| Scamar: | That's nonsense.
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| Goatsucker: | I am a Goblin.
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| Tavin: | Scamar, the Goatsucker bird says it's a Goblin....
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| Scamar: | It's a trick. The Goatsucker bird is very cunning! It will do whatever it takes to convince you that it is not a Goatsucker bird in order to evade capture!
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| Goatsucker: | I'm a Goblin.
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| Tavin: | What about its arms? It has arms instead of wings.
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| Scamar: | It's an effect of the poor lighting in here. They only look like arms. They are really wings.
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| Tavin: | It's noon.
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| Goatsucker: | We're on an outside porch...
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| Scamar: | He has feathers! Goblins don't have feathers.
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| Goatsucker: | You dumped me in a vat of tar and covered me with these stupid feathers.
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| Tavin: | Uhm.. The feathers do seem to be falling off......
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| Scamar: | He's molting. Birds do that.
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| Goatsucker: | My beak is tied on.
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| Tavin: | Hey, that does look like string...
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| Scamar: | It's a birthmark. Hey, listen... Have you ever seen a Goatsucker bird?
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| Goatsucker: | Can't say that I have...
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| Scamar: | Not you! The Kender!
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| Tavin: | Uhm... well, no.
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| Scamar: | Then how can you say that this isn't a Goatsucker bird? How do you know that they don't look like this....
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| Tavin: | I guess.... *The Goatsucker bird's beak falls off*
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| Goatsucker: | Oops. There it goes...
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| Scamar: | ........ ahahahah.
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| Tavin: | IT IS A GOBLIN! How dare you try to trick us? What the hell is wrong with you! Masquerading a Goblin as a Goatsucker bird! I can't believe...
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| Scamar: | Hey, look! A pretty-colored bead for you!
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| Tavin: | Oooh! What is it!
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| Scamar: | The Kender Zapper from SolomniaTech! It sends any Kender who touch it to..
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| Tavin: | This is coo- *Tavin disappears in a puff of smoke*
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| Scamar: | ... to the Abyss...
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| Goatsucker: | Well, I guess this ends the interview. Will someone let me out of this cage? I really want to get back to my clan in Throtl.
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The End
Editors Note: It has been five days since the interview and still Tavin has not returned. While we are glad that he is gone, we just recently discovered that he must have accidentally *ahem* appropriated the staff of Today on Krynn's payroll. If there are any freelance wizards out there with expertise in extra-planar travelling or summoning, please contact us. Thank You.
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