Hello again fellow DragonLancers! I know I have been away for a while, but you may rest assured, Tavin will ALWAYS come back (especially when you don't want him to).
Anyhoo, I heard that someone was on the heels of my last interview and was sent back in time to get me. Well, I genuinely was going to interview the much revered 'Heroes of the Lance' when I got to thinking that it would be much more interesting to interview the unknowns. The group of people whose names were not in the spotlight after the War of the Lance. So it was that endeavor which I set out upon.
Tavin's (Unknown) Nugget of Joy 7-02-01
I arrived at a much less known pub and inn located in the lower south side of Solace called 'The Sweaty Pickle'. I had heard from some local thugs with some rather nice stuff that an adventuring group of friends were to meet there in order to travel together and check out strange rumors that had been circulating. After a short wait the first of the heroes entered. He was a huge man, unbelievably large and muscular, and most definately a dedicated warrior. After a brief introduction on my part I learned the man's name. Cardamon. His name was Cardamon Major. I could tell that the man was a bit on the slow side and I also noticed that he carried no weapon. Curious, I questioned him about it. He laughed and told me that he did indeed carry a weapon; one even more formidable than a sword. He opened up a pouch at his side (which I was interested in seeing anyhow), and I peered in. There were darts inside. Lots of Darts. "Yes!", he told me bouyantly, "I am a master of the fighting darts! I can throw as many as fourty five of them in one minutes time, each with power and precision!". Indeed I was impressed! I decided to borrow a couple and practice my own dart abilities later.
Just then a person came tumbling down the stairs. Cardamon lept up and ran to the man yelling 'Brother!'. Indeed, that's who the man turned out to be! He was Faintlin Major, half-twin brother to Cardamon. Now, I don't know what a half-twin is and they didn't explain it, so I guess it is a phrase that will remain a mystery... Anyhoo, this Faintlin was a much respected and feared mage. A childhood prodigy in the art of magic, Faintlin was the second youngest to ever take the wizards test! (The first was some rude upstart with a very unkind personality, he told me) Faintlin's magic seemed to have come at a cost however, for although he was born with an acclimation towards magic, he was also cursed with narcolepsy. He fell asleep at really odd times. (like on the stairs down to the inn, I am assuming) I marveled at these two, truly heroes of high caliber, and I wondered what the rest of the party would be like. I didn't have to wait long though, for just as the thought had entered my head, the door burst open, admiting three more people inside. One was a half-elf by the name of Manis, master with the bow and even better with the affairs of the heart. Indeed, when he walked in, all the barmaids and women warriors swooned. It was very impressive. With him was a dwarf named Glint. He was old and crochety, and he complained constantly. I do mean constantly. Manis told me in confidence that the had tried ditching Glint on several occasions, to be rid of the senile dwarf, but the old one always seemed to find them again. After about ten years, they had finally just given up trying. The third person was a goblin named Hazlenut Crapflinger. He was a jittery fellow, who was always seeming to get into trouble. He was obviously the humorous element in the party along with the old dwarf. I thought it odd that a goblin would join a band of heroes and asked Cardamon about it. After waking his brother up, he informed me that they had come across the young goblin one day and had taken him in. He ran away from his village because they constantly made fun of his name.
Just then entered another large man, but lanky and wirey. He had on so much armor that it seemed that he couldn't move. Piecemail armor at that. Not a single bit matched, and instead of a helm, he wore a cooking pot with holes welded in it. When he entered, everyone backed away. At first I thought it was due to his presence, an awe inspiring thing. But when he came closer I realized that it was the presence of his odor, a very puke inspiring thing indeed! Manis told me his name was Furm and he was a fighter who one day hoped to become a knight. He followed a rigid code on how to do things from which he never swayed. "Unfortunately," Hazlenut told me, "one of those codes called for him never washing his undergarments." Now fully assembled, these heroes were indeed incredible! I couldn't wait to get back to the present to research into things and find out all the heroic battles won by these glorious champions! So I took my leave, but not before noticing as I left the lovely singing of an ugly plainswoman and her stern faced companion. I wished that I could have stayed, but work called and I was still on the timeclock (hehe), so back to the present I went.
Now after two months of research I have collected the true accounts of these adventurers as told by eye witnesses. They are unfortunately rather short though, as the whole party was killed in their first battle. While searching for 'Chislev's Pomegranate' with the newfound friends the plainsmen, the group ran into some dragonmen that we now know as draconians. Here is the account of what happened.
The first draconian's attack felled the plainswoman. Seeing his love dead, the plainsman simply gurgled and dropped dead from grief. Cardamon and Furm attacked head on, but Furm, logged down in armor, fell over and couldn't get back up. It is assumed that he was still alive after the battle, but instead starved death since the smell of him was so pungent everyone simply assumed he was a corpse and stayed away. Cardamon himself was having difficulties. Apparently darts don't hurt very much... and he wasn't able to kill a single enemy. He was, however, able to kill Manis, who when confronted with real battle, cried like a baby and started screaming out all the bad things he had done in hopes of redemption. One of those 'things he had done' happened to be Twinkle Waylaid, a barmaid of whom Cardamon had the hots for. Thus the end of Manis. Hazlenut decided to switch sides immediately and spent the next few years in the dragonarmy until one day he was killed by a famous kender with a remarkably similar name. Furm, the old dwarf, wandered off and seemengly spent the last ten years of his life thinking he was a frog. Lastly, Faintlin, who was preparing a massive spell of utter destruction, fell dead asleep in the middle of his magical chant and was summarily dispatched with. Thus ended the legend of the unknown warriors of the lance.
I should have stuck with the real heroes.
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