Folks, I would just like to take one second before going into Today on Krynn to assure you that I, as the Author of this lovely little Nugget would NEVER, NEVER stoop so low as to use my writings to make fun of, humiliate, or in any possible way belittle any political party or its agenda. Not only that, I would like to go on record as stating that I would never poke fun at any tragic events that take place in the real world. Such humor is low, and shows a high disregard for humanity and is an affront to the sense of social order needed to make it through such hard times. With this said, I present to you- Dragonlance Underground: Tavin's Nugget of JOY 08-03-03

Tavin's Nugget of JOY 08-03-03

By Tavin Springfingers

Today on Krynn:

Well, we've always referred to them as little terrors
The nation of Neraka has protested to the Free Nations Council today for action against Solomnia. Neraka spokesman Nicholas Chainly spoke on the matter of Solomnic Terrorism. "It has become obvious to us that the problem of terrorism can only be fought on its own turf. A pre-emptive strike is the only solution in order to protect the citizens of Neraka from coming to further harm." The Solomnic delegate at the Free Nations Council had this to say in response, "Bullshit." The Knights of Neraka are petitioning for the acceptance of military action against Solomnia for harboring terrorists as well as for stockpiling weapons. According to the Nerakan officials, a small group of wanted kenderkin have sought refuge in Solomnia, and are in fact supposedly recieving aid in their operations of espionage from the Solomnic government. The small group, given their natural stealth ability and the somewhat lax security in certain areas of Neraka have been said to be the cause of a lot of physical and financial damage to the nation. The Knights of Neraka have been called to active duty and are battle ready, simply awaiting orders to storm Solomnia in order to find the terrorist group.

Grand Marshall Hedge of the Nerakan forces spoke to the Council today offering this statement, "We will NOT be dissuaded by any means from protecting ourselves from this threat. We have reliable information from our supporters in Blode that known criminal organizations are hiding out in Solomnia. We also have information that Solomnia has been building up its forces and has been stockpiling weapons. This is an aggressive move, and we have no choice but to retaliate in order to protect our people and our way of life. The Solomnic rule is an opressive one, and its people will be liberated under our flag, thus eliminating any threat it may present us." The Solomnic delegate responded in with a familiar phrase, "Bullshit too." Not confident with its chances at swaying the Council, Neraka has already delivered an ultimatum to Solomnia. The nation is to open its borders for inspection as to its battle readiness as well as to allow investigation as to which areas could possibly be considered a threat to Neraka. It must also stand down its weapon development and open its stockpiles to be cleared out. Finally it must cease to harbor any type of wanted criminals and give up its "kender of mass destruction".

And this is just NOW happening?
A new and deadly virus holds Ansalon in its grip. A highly mutated and viciously lethal disease based off a common form of influenza has been discovered. While treatable, this new virus is more deadly than any other due to the fact that its effects on the body are very low key and are listed as "Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, and fever". Those who contract the illness rarely even know that its anything more than a common cold or a fever until its too late. The virus, according to professionals, was not a magically induced disease created by Morgion, God of Decay, but in fact owes its existance to a creature mostly overlooked by people today. Gully dwarves. Its common knowledge that gully dwarves have a lack of hygene that is astounding, even to scientists today. These people are so used to living in filth and squalor that their immune systems have developed to the point that normal diseases can't even assert themselves in the host body. As they say though, when you build a better mousetrap the mice just get smarter. The current form of the disease developed over time as sort of a super virus which not even the gully dwarf immune system had erradicate with ease. As a result, the death rate of gully dwarves has increased considerably, but being such miserable creatures, hardly a soul noticed. Everyone is noticing them now, however, since they are the prime carriers of the disease. Unfortunately, it has moved beyond just the gullies. The infection has spread across vast expanses of Ansalon, preying easily on the other races whose immune systems pale in comparison to that of a common gully dwarves. Entire villages of both elf and human alike have been wiped out from the illness, and the spread doesn't seem to be slowing. Emergency stations have been opened up by Clerics of Mishikal in many infected areas, but for the most part its a matter of too little too late. The virus was named by a young gully dwarf who had contracted it and had been brought in for study. When asked what he knew about the disease, he only smiled and responded, " 's ours."

But the Legend of Huma is still public domain
The next time that you are out adventuring with your comrades, and you feel like sitting around a campfire and telling stories and singing songs, think hard about it- then think about it again. A new face has emerged from the masses of the disenchanted. A face with the name of the BIAA. BIAA is short for the Bardic Industry Association of Ansalon, and they are out to protect the claim that thousands of Bards have on stories and songs that they've developed over the years. Mick Vainbowl illuminates to us just what the BIAA is all about.

"Over the years, many Bards have toiled and worked hard at coming up with original and fresh songs and tales to entertain crowds in order to make a living. These works represent the very lifeblood of the Bard, and to perform these works without proper consent is a violation of the creators intellectual rights to his own work. We are dedicated to seeking out individuals who insist on stealing the hard work of our clients and to deal with them in the harshest possible manner."

Many arrests have already been made. A large group out of Palanthas calling itself "Bardster" was disbanded just recently, its members charged anywhere between 500-15,000 steel for each illegal song and story in their posession. "Bardster was only one gear in the gnomish machine.", states Vainbowl. "P2P programs such as that are a dime a dozen, and the amount of work that will be required to take them down will be tremendous." The P2P programs that Vainbowl refers to are short for "Patron to Patron", and are among the most common for these illegaly obtained copies to spread. In a city, one store is designated as a central area. As people collect illegal songs or stories, they post a current list of their collection on the message board in the establishment for others to read, as well as the times that they tend to frequent said place. When someone finds a certain work that they want, they need only await the members arrival and are then allowed to copy said work. From there that person may travel to other such locations, passing the work on to people there, and thus the work spreads, while the Bard who originally created the work gets no money from its constant use as well as putting the pressure on him to come up with new material or risk putting on a performance that an audience at an inn may already be familiar with. While many view this problem as bein minor, Vainbowl has a decidedly different outlook.

"The amount of active Bards in Ansalon are at an all time low. Bardic Schools across the continent are reporting the lowest number of new students ever recorded. The pirating and distribution of illegal songs and stories is setting the industry back billions of steel. We face the greatest threat that our profession has ever encountered, and we will do everything possible to win against it."

Be wary of what stories you tell, because you never know just who came up with YOUR version of the Companions, or The War of the Lance, and you don't want the Secret Bard Police kicking down your door to let you know.

Well, once again, I bid you farewell until next month. Oh, and if you're wondering about my statement above- I'm a kender you silly thing. Why would you actually BELIEVE me?

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