Watch out, folks. It seems that those wacky old Gnomes in Mount Nevermind are at it again. About a week ago, the very well respected head of The Department of Scientific Forensics and Anthropological Research and Development, a gnome by the human name of Resident, died in a fire caused by a, of all things, portable fire starting device. At his funeral two nights ago, there was to be a candlelight vigil held in his memory, with a candle given to each and every citizen of the Nevermind region. On enterprising lad decided that it would be far more efficient to simply make ONE light through a machine that contained the brightness and energy of all the collected candles, thus allowing everyone else to go back to doing work. When the resulting 50,324,657 candlelight power beam was unleashed, it vaporized the gnome instantaneously, blinded nearly 12,000 residents, killed 563 more as it tore through the side of the mountain, turned night into day across the entire horizon to the East of Nevermind, killed seven dragons mid flight, caused most of the Dragon Overlords to toss and turn, and finally, left a crater on the great moon Liunitari. Well, business as usual, I suppose.
Just yesterday, the Solace Tattler claimed that they had discovered a Gully Dwarf who could count to four. Many were doubtful, but as it stands, the rumor has indeed been confirmed. The Gully by the name of Gluph has in front of multiple reliable witnesses correctly identified four dead rats. He then identified four boogers which he promptly ate. It seems that this astonishing news comes with a price, though. Gluph has completely forgotten how to identify the quantities one through three. I guess you can't win them all. Only four.
Two months ago, a new reporter we had hired was sent on assignment to live with the Dimernesti Elves under the sea. This was a very big deal obviously, seeing as the sea elf clan is highly secretive, and an exclusive such as this would really bring to light many things about the race. Sadly, after many attempts at contacting our reporter to no avail, we made a rather unsettling discovery. The water breathing spell that was cast on him so that he could join the elves... only had a duration of a few hours. That was our bad. Sorry.
The Minotaur Isles recently held an event that was, to say the least, highly misunderstood by the outside world. A certain private entertainment group sent out an entourage to the islands upon hearing of "The Mithas and Kothas First Annual Horniest Minotaur" event. Fortunately, the boat carrying the famous adult stars Strum Brightballs, Goldboobs, and Tasslehump Longjohnson was rerouted to the mainland before anyone got hurt.
Three nights ago tragedy struck in the city of Tarsis. That night marked the tenth annual fireworks celebration in the city, also known as the Spectacle of Lights. Tarsis has, of course, been under harsh financial duress, and the city government had put together an alternative method of putting on the show this year while still cutting costs. The show began as a breathtaking fireworks display, but shortly devolved into a citywide panic as mortally wounded Auraks, consumed with the sparking magical flames they become while dying, ran through the city streets catching buildings and homes on fire. It turns out that the council had cut costs by not using fireworks, but instead capturing a large group of Auraks, stabbing them, loading them in catapults, and then flinging them into the sky for a grisly but fascinating display of pyrotechnics. It would seem that a few of these captive Auraks not only survived the stabbings, but the fall as well. As Tarsis found out about mistakes, its Live and Burn.
Yesterday marked the return of a Solomnic expedition force that set sail nearly four years ago to travel the continent known as Taladas. The expedition journeyed across the face of the continent collecting all the information possible on the people and creatures indigenous to the area, as well as governments, religions, magics... After the exhausting journey, the group returned with a massive wealth of information on our brethren across the sea. Sadly, since it wasn't about Ansalon, nobody gave a damn.
Raistlin is STILL dead.
Calamity befell the Wizard's Council today at the High Tower of Wizardry in the forest of Wayreth. In an amazing show of magical racism, a fight broke out in the High Council when A White Robe insinuated that Black Robes were all thieves. The Black Robes were outraged by the accusation, claiming that the White Robes were once again trying to hold them down, keeping them from attaining any real power. Tempers raged, wands were brandished, but the fight was quickly ended when the Red Robes told both sides to get off their land.
Still suffering from a much less than acceptable turnout of new recruits throughout the last few years, the Solomnic Knighthood has convened to discuss a proposed lowering of certain standards in order to help bolster membership. Proposed changes include:
*No longer requiring a potential Squire to be able to ride horseback, as the Solomnic Calvary will be made into a specialized group within the Order.
*A more relaxed family history on certain orders. Genealogy will no longer be so strictly traced amongst members of any Order.
*Weapon proficiency is no longer required. There are many jobs within the ranks of the Orders in which one will never need draw a weapon. No longer would entrants be excluded simply because they can't wield a sword.
*No more mandatory Tithes. Maintaining a family is important to today's soldier, and thus, extra hardships such as the yearly tithe will either be done away with or greatly reduced.
Also, in a most controversial move, it has been proposed that The Oath, the very BASIS on which the order rests, should be revised and reworded. The theory is that the old wording is a bit too strict for a modern Knight's lifestyle, and that following The Oath by a strict adherence to its wording is a major issue that keeps away many a potential squire. The newly proposed wording for The Oath is "Est Sularis Ver Manthu". In Common it translates to "My Honor is Rather Important".
